
Yeah, well, it's finally up to that day - the day Reza scheduled to open with my dad, and - his extended family.
Sorry, Mas. I didn't mean to disobey you. But I have to do this.
I just stirred up my food. I am not hungry because I am not fasting.
"Why, Son? You don't like the food?" father asked.
I'm shaking. "No," I said, "but the atmosphere. I don't like the atmosphere, I don't like the people. The point is I don't like to be around all of you," I say this sentence with standard intonation, yes. But still...
Silent. Everyone fell silent and stopped chewing. Reza tried to keep me quiet.
"I don't mean to embarrass you. You're the best husband. But this was worthy of acceptance by this stranger. Let me talk and get out all the junk I've had for a dozen years. Okay?"
Reza finally understood, and he nodded. He let me talk to the end, even breaking up for anyone who wants to open their voices. "Perhaps with this Nara will feel plong. And I'll still help you meet Nara if you listen to all her grunts once," Reza said, defending me and allowing me to get my unkempt out.
I know it's wrong. But I just want my dad to stop using Reza to get close to me. Because my heartache, hatred, and resentment towards him is beyond help, incurable, and can no longer be straightened. I want to live without him, like all this time, for twenty-two years.
But still, it was me who was crying, my chest that was claustrophobic. Finally Reza and I left. He apologized to me because it was like tearing my wounds back. We also stopped at another restaurant. "Sorry, Mas. Because of me you have to endure hunger."
"I understand," he said. Either really understand or force yourself to understand, but Reza obviously did not invite me to see my father again, except on the day of our return to Jakarta. He asked me to say goodbye. Only with my father-not including his extended family.
Even though our Ramadan moment was colored by chaos, our Eid moments are still beautiful. I used to just hang out with my mom, now there's my husband. I apologise to both of them for my mistakes and my disappointing attitude.
Well, in addition to the moment of Ramadan and Eid, there is another that is no less beautiful, memorable and will never be forgotten. Yep, lovely moment of First Night.
A very long awaited night.