Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 14 part 2: Asa

The presence of Aunt and Keigo made my passion slowly rise. At least, I began to be able to rearrange my mind by no longer fixated on Add and the events of that time.

This morning, Auntie was busy preparing dishes for the evening. The night of the year.

I tried to get to Auntie who was washing vegetables “Someone I can help, Aunty?”

“Not necessary, Ken. Oh yes, Auntie has prepared breakfast.”

“Sorry, Ken even troublesome Aunty.”

“You do other activities only.”

Other activity? Cleaning the house has been done Auntie. A sport? I'm lazy to exercise. Getting stuck with Keigo? He's still sleeping soundly.

“Good. Ken had breakfast in the living room, Bi. If Auntie needs help, just call Ken.”

“Iya. Today are you not going to the hotel?”

“Ken wait for Keigo to wake up later to department store.”

“Ya already.”

I'm actually still lazy to go to the hotel. It was as if there were still fragments of my nightmare. However, I have promised to cover Uncle's position as supervisor.

“This Aunty make warm milk.”

“Aunt no need to bother, Ken can make it yourself.”

My aunt sat next to me. It seems like he wants to talk to me.

“Ken...” Her tone is as subtle as wanting to ask a crucial thing.

“Iya, Bi.”

“Emmm... How ya?” Not usually Aunt seems hesitant to talk.

“Aunt want to ask something?”

It was impolite to hinder Aunt who wanted to invite me to chat, even though the direction of the chat was predictable.

“Emmm, Aunty didn't mean to interfere with your personal problems.”

I'm nodding. A sign that I won't be offended by Aunt's questions later.

“Ken, actually you had a storm yesterday with whom?”

“Emmm..

Although I can guess Aunt's question, but there's no answer I'm prepared for.

“With your girlfriend?”

Once again I nodded. This time, however, I was quite hesitant. I just want Aunt to stop interrogating me. I should be able to hide about Add. About his depraved deeds.

“What Aunt can know him?” What does Auntie mean by that Mayumi? Huh!

What answer should I give to my aunt? Mayumi is definitely not my boyfriend.

“Ken, do you mind? Aunt just wanted to know him. All this time Aunt only heard about him from your Uncle.”

“I...iya, can coke, Bi. Meet Mayumi.”

“Why later? Aunty can ask for her phone number?”

How else, I'll just give you Mayumi's number. I don't know what will happen, it will happen. I can only pray that Auntie just really wants to get to know Mayumi.

After noting Mayumi's number on her phone, Auntie returned to the kitchen. There is a feeling of anxiety in me.

In the afternoon, Keigo and I went to the hotel to check the conditions there. It felt like it had been months, but only a few days without visiting. I have to make sure the hotel decorations for the new year are appropriate. Yeah, because tonight's the change from December to January.  The night is often filled with resolutions to meet a better life. A night that is always celebrated with special in all corners of the world.

After the hotel, we headed straight to the department store. Along the way Keigo kept asking about my lover. He also suggested that I get married quickly. When I asked him back about his school, he didn't want to explain. Just answer fine, and then switch the conversation. Maybe if we were his age, I could confide in him about my life issues.

I don't feel like it's going to be a quick day at night. And yesterday I felt like every minute was like a matter of hours. Enough fun today with Keigo. Buy him shoes and action figures The Avengers. The thing that is long enough is to look for action figures that Keigo wants. Though I think in Tokyo it's easier to get it, but he said his mother never gave money to buy a miniature collection of his favorite superhero imitation. Seeing her happy, I felt the same.

After arriving home, Keigo immediately laid his body on the sofa. He looks very tired. Maybe because he was too active to and fro looking for the things he wanted. From one store to another, whether in the store to how many action figures are sought just obtained.

“Ken, already home?!” greet Aunt while looking at the Keigo groceries I bought. “Why did you buy all this? The price must be expensive.”

“It's okay, Bi. It's not every year.”

“But Aunt is afraid Keigo will later depend on you.”

“He's not that kind of kid, Bi.” Yeah, I think Keigo's a good kid. If he asks me a lot later, it's no big deal. To whom I share, except primarily to my own family. “Ken shower first yes, Bi.”

“Iya. But don't be long, dinner is ready.”

Before taking a shower, I lay down for a while on the bed. The mind immediately wanders into the past. The last three years, the turn of my new year was filled with bad memories. This year it was a painful abuse, last year the loss of a father, the year before the loss of a mother.

During college, 4 times the new year is enjoyed with joy. The first night of the new year I spent always with Dave. Without a great celebration. We just spend time in the apartment, eating dinner, watching movies, to count down the turn of the year. But everything feels very special. The next night or on the 2nd and 3rd I usually go back to Bali or follow to Japan. For Japanese people, the new year is usually celebrated until January 3.

I miss the good times. A time when my parents are still complete. There's also Dave who completes my social interaction space. Ah, I better take a shower first so as not to get caught up in the grief of reminiscing about the past. At least, there's Auntie and Keigo here. I can't show sadness in front of them. I must not imprison myself in loneliness, while there are relatives who are willing to accompany me.

While taking a shower, I heard the sound of a car parking in front of the house. Maybe it was Uncle. Stiffest.

“Ken, you took a long shower!”

“A minute, Bi. Who is it?”

“Quick get dressed. Dinner will be cold as well.”

“OK!”

I thought Uncle. But from the voice of Aunt earlier, it seems that the guest who came was an important guest and quite close to this family. Uncle Yamamoto? My husband is still in New Zealand. Ah, maybe another family I don't know yet or maybe even Aunt's friend who lives here.

While changing clothes, I heard Auntie chatting with the guests who came. Unfortunately, they spoke in Japanese so I didn't understand them. Meanwhile, Keigo kept knocking on my bedroom door so I quickly greeted the visiting guests.

Arriving in the living room, I was very surprised to see Mayumi sitting next to Auntie. They even look familiar. I just gave my Aunt Mayumi's number this morning, now that she's here. Looks like I'm a miss. I don't think Bibi will be this aggressive in inviting Mayumi to come here to celebrate the new year's night together. If Mayumi were to suddenly come, it felt impossible. The last time he met, his face was very disappointed as if he did not want to see me again.

“Hai, Ken. Happy New Year!” greet Mayumi.

What really happened or what did Auntie tell Mayumi? I saw Mayumi greeting me as if she had forgotten her last emotion when she met me. The storyline was hard for me to predict.

“Hai, May!” reply to me while sitting in front of him.

Next to Mayumi, looks very sumringah Aunt. The thing I was worried about, Auntie said something that made Mayumi wish for me.

“Come, we start dinner,” take Aunt.

Mayumi started preparing the dishes and serving us the food. It just makes me nervous. Mayumi's attitude quickly changed as if she didn't keep a bad memory of me.

I'm happy if he understands that Add and I have nothing to do. That time was completely out of my control.

Now I'm afraid of Mayumi being here, because Auntie said too much. After this, I will try to clear things up with Mayumi. I don't want any more misunderstandings..

Suddenly Keigo whispered to me, “Your girlfriend is so pretty, Uncle.”

I countered by picking up a piece of Teriyaki chicken on Keigo's plate. That spontaneous moment made Keigo scream a little.

“Uncle!”

“Keigo...” But Bibi just looked at Keigo and gave a signal to be quiet.

I also laughed a little. “*Behave*!” I said to him that he's chiming in on Aunt's code.

I guess, then, Mayumi put a few pieces of teriyaki chicken on my dinner plate.

Keigo pretended to cough to tease me back.

Although Keigo and I rarely meet and communicate, we are very familiar. He who is now a teenager, has even started to become my friend. It's no longer the little niece I can carry and pinch.

I think, after the departure of Father and Mother, it will be very difficult to get together with other families. The current situation makes me happy. At the very least, I still have a family that accepts my presence at any time.

“You like Auntie's cooking, May?” Auntie opened the chat.

“Like. Aunty is very good at cooking.”

“If it's the same Ken, you like right?”

Hearing the second question, Mayumi slightly choked. I gave him some drinking water.

“Uncle...” Keigo thrust his glass so I fill it with drinking water. I know he was just trying to make fun of me. “It’s like de javu. This scene, I always saw in many romantic movies.”

“What? Do you like Romance? Kid, you should focus on your study. Watching Doraemon is much better for you.” I taunted Keigo back while ruffling his hair.

“Keigo, just finish your meal!” My aunt scolded Keigo. This time he was silent. Then, Aunt continued her words. “Mayumi, Aunty doesn't mean to interfere in your personal affairs. But, Auntie just wishes you would accept Ken for who he is. Ken is actually very good. Just maybe sometimes a little temprrament.”

“Means, Aunty?” Mayumi looked astonished.

“A couple of days ago you guys had a fuss, right?”

“Oh... That.. No, Bi. That's a normal thing. Mood Mayumi was not good at the time. So, the wrong Mayumi.”

Mayumi's reply made me not understand exactly what they were talking about. Meanwhile, I listened to their conversation first.

“During this Ken never wanted to introduce his lover to a large family, even to his own parents.”

“Oh so, Bi.” Mayumi tried to respond.

“Eatya yesterday Aunty was very surprised to see the house in a mess. Shards of glasses and plates were scattered on the floor. When Auntie asked Ken, she said she was having a fuss with her lover. Auntie's thoughts are directly on you. Who else would be her lover if not you. Uncle Yamada said, the two of you are already very close. Therefore, yesterday Auntie directly contacted you. I don't mean Auntie wants to interfere, Auntie just wants to know how Ken can behave like that to a woman as good and beautiful as you?”

“Bi...” I tried to straighten out because Bibi had a wrong groove.

“Ken, Aunty wants to hear an explanation from Mayumi so you can also hear and understand her feelings.”

Mayumi looked blushed. “Oh... About that broken glass.. Emmm.. Actually Mayumi did not know, Bi. Maybe at that time Ken was tired so fit take breakfast fell. We didn't fight that far. Just a little misunderstanding. I'm sorry Ken, Bi.”

“Fatigue or drunk, Ken?” tanya aunty is a bit cynical.

“Emm...” What answer should I say.

“Since when did you drink alcohol, Ken? Weren't you very focused on maintaining your health during this.”

“Actually Bi, Mayumi the me..”.

I cut Mayumi's words. “Only once Bi, to release the load for a moment.”

“Iya, but don't make your lover vent your burden. Every aunt asks, you never want to tell a story. Still can't move on from your ex in Indonesia?”

My God, Aunt's talk is getting worse. Or because I made the story like that.

“Bi, add more rice dong!” I'm trying to stop a conversation that could potentially lead to misunderstandings. Mending focused on having dinner together without the frills of talking about feelings.

“Enough, Ken?” It was Mayumi who gave me extra rice to my plate.

“*Oh, I’m so sleepy. I don’t understand what you are talking about*.” Keigo suddenly made another sound.

We all laughed because of his words. Yeah, he's just a show between us.

“Go to sleep, Kid!” tell me while pinching her cheek. The things you used to do to me when I was scrabbling or wanting a new toy when I was a kid.

“Let's talk again,” Aunt whispered to Mayumi.

“Ehem.” I give you a code if I hear Auntie's words.

“Come, continue eating!” Auntie threw a smile at me.

After dinner, Mayumi decided to go home. Bibi tries to get in the way and asks Mayumi to stay longer. I don't want him to come home either. There's something I want to ask and explain to him. However, he said his father and mother were waiting at home.

“I'll drive home!” I volunteered in hopes of being able to chat with him on the street.

“No need, I'll take the car.”

“Later I can go home by taxi.”

“You rest, Ken. Auntie said, you've been out all day with Keigo. That must have made you tired.”

Mayumi refused subtly. I have no other way to talk to him.

“Yes already, Aunty goes into the room. You guys just have a chat. Aunty will not interfere.” I don't know what's on Aunt's mind, but she seems to be able to read my mind. I really want to have a four-eye conversation with Mayumi.

“We can chat for a while in front? Just a moment, I beg you!”

“Iya, Ken.”

Aunty was in the room, but I had to be able to make sure the right distance for my conversation with Mayumi was not heard by her. Therefore, I invited Mayumi to chat with a fairly safe distance, away from the front of the house.

“You talked about the incident yes, Ken.”

Mayumi can guess what I mean. I also agree with nodding.

“Let's just relax, I've forgotten that incident,”.

“Ta..but May.” I'm trying to explain. “I and Add have nothing to do. I beg you to believe that's it first.”

“Iya, Ken.” Mayumi responded with a smile.

Mayumi's smile gave me a mystery. He was trying to believe me or no longer cared about me.

I tried to convince him to come back, “That night you knew I was really drunk. I didn't know Add took me home, and then he did that depraved thing to me.”

“Ken...” Mayumi holds my arm. I know he's trying to calm me down.

“Now I don't know what to do. What I know is that maybe in your eyes I've been very dirty. On the other hand, I'm still very angry if I remember Add. But I also don't want to burden my mind. There's a feeling of fear. I feel like I want to leave here to forget everything that happened.”

I also started to shed tears. Besides in front of Dave, I showed this crying face in front of Mayumi. It happened because I was so emotional.

Mayumi hugged me. Obviously I was surprised. This is the first time I've been hugged by a woman outside my family so tightly and emotionally. I became worried. Should she try to let go of Mayumi's embrace or leave it alone until she lets go?

“Ken, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. If I hadn't let you get drunk that night, it wouldn't have happened. I couldn't prevent it either when I found out Add was venting his lust at you. I beg you, forgive me!”

Mayumi cried while hugging me. His smiling face changed.

We fell silent in the snow that began to fall. My hands are still on my body. I dare not return Mayumi's embrace.

“I think I failed to become an adult. I can't protect myself. How can I protect others?” I reveal the results of my reflection.

“Ken..” Mayumi looked at my face. Her soft hand rubbed the tears held on my cheek. I felt that touch. “Don't blame yourself until like this! I'm really sorry, for suspecting you and Add…. Ken's…. I also beg you not to leave here.”

“Sentah, May. I don't blame you for that. It's purely because of my stupidity. My negligence in taking care of myself.”

“Now Add where?”

“I really hope he doesn't try to see me again.”

Yeah, I don't want to know where he is or where he is.

“I'll look for him. He should get punished. His actions include criminal, Ken.”

I also thought about reporting him to the police. But it was precisely like I was telling my problems to Uncle and Aunt, as well as the crowd. Not necessarily they could understand the real condition. Me and Add are both men, both are adults too. I don't want it to make Uncle and Aunt disappointed in me.

“Not necessary, May. I don't want to see him again. I also do not want if until Uncle and Aunt know this problem.”

“I'm sorry I hated you after that. I think, even in a drunken state, you were still conscious when Add did..”.

“May, I don't know how many times you've apologized.”

“You probably won't be able to love me the way I love you. But I don't want to lose to compete with men. I've gone too far to think you are.”.

“Heem...” I'm not mad if Mayumi thinks I'm gay. In fact, I myself sometimes feel in that shadow.

“I don't know what kind of commotion is going on between you and Add. However, Aunt's story at the dinner table makes me more relieved.” Mayumi took a slow breath followed by a sweet smile. “At first, Auntie called me, apologizing on your behalf. Aunt thought you were fighting with me. I was able to feel happy. Not about the fight, but if only you had a taste for me. Your aunt and uncle were very nice to me. My aunt also told me that you were very nice. You have lived independently from childhood. You also took care of your father and mother while they were sick until they were gone.”

The novelty began to slip into our conversation.

“What else did Aunt say about me?”

“We don't talk much on the phone. Aunt, then, invite me to dinner. That's it.”

I didn't realize Mayumi was still holding me. Then his phone rings. His mother called because she was worried that he had not arrived home, but had already sent a short message on the way home. His embrace was gone.

“I'm home yes, Ken.”

“You sure you don't want to be delivered?”

“Already, don't make me hope more.” He developed a big smile.

Now, I'm even more relieved. At least Mayumi understood me and Add had never been in a relationship like she had thought before. I can breathe more calmly.

The snow is getting bigger. My body started to feel dry. I rushed into the house. It turns out there's Keigo behind the door.

“What are you doing?”  ask him who looks suspicious.

“Emm.. I.. I.. wanna open the door for you, Uncle,” the answer is stammering.

“Keigo, peeping is impolite. Don’t do that again!” auntie who emerged from the kitchen.

“No..I on...ly...wanted te see the snow outside.”.

Ah, I don't know since when Keigo peeked. He just pretended to be asleep. All right, I'll just tickle him.

“Stop it, Uncle. Okay, I won’t do that again. Promise. Please, stop it, Uncle!”

The more he asked to stop, the more I tickled him. He tried to retaliate and hit, but I was still stronger than him. While Aunt was just looking with a smile. I feel more alive, have friends joking again.