DOOM
LETTER TO HUMAIRO

Tonight Adnan could not close his eyes. The tasbih he had been spinning from earlier slowly slipped unconsciously from his hand. Several times he frowned, as if he was looking for a way to get rid of the anxiety from his heart. Before long he got up and took some paper and a bolpoint on the table not far from his place.

After a while he looked at the paper before him, he began to write.

To Friend, to the man I once loved, Humairo........

Humairo. Well, the lady with the red cheeks. So beautiful and made my wishful thinking drift away. The name was also pinned by the Apostle to his beloved wife Sayyidah Aisyah. My hope is like most people's expectations. Loving you and building up the Sakinah household like the Prophet's family, surely with you .

But I was so nervous and scared of Humairo. Maybe you also already understand what I mean, and maybe will scorn me and assume I'm just looking for an excuse to leave you. And surely you will never believe, I have betrayed for fear of a prophecy.

Humairo....I'm sorry after what we've been through is really impressive. I don't lie when I say I love you. I did not deceive you when the voice in my heart said you were the woman who would accompany me to death. I'm just afraid if the prophecy really comes true. I don't want to be in trouble for the sake of trouble because I don't obey the mediator's order of my life. I do not want to live a miserable life just because I do not heed the words of my parents.Maybe I am a coward who lost before the war. But the prophecy and the ban really kept me locked up in a terrible unease. I'm really not sure I can live with you. I fear the Word of God in the Hadith of his Qudsi,”Ana Inda Zanni Abdi” I according to My Servant's presupposition. And at that moment I was completely overwhelmed with great doubt.

Humairo...for the umpteenth time I shamelessly have to say sorry after previously sorry you refused. It really hurts. My betrayal is something that cannot be forgiven and forgotten, but will grudges continue to linger in the chest and destroy good deeds that every day are still tried to gather? Will grudges and heartache in the chest cause a person to die with a spirit held captive by an unforgivable burden? It felt so empty and meaningless that all tafakkur and repentance to God. It is in vain to feel the remembrance and prayer that climbs every night in a third of the night when it is remembered that there is wrong and unforgivable sin.

Do you remember, O Humairo. when you want to prove your love willingly run under the rain. For God's sake, I was utterly amazed and felt alive in a fairyland where images freely carved a canvas of beauty in every corner of the heart. Remember when I chased you and we were both drenched in the rain? Maybe that night was the most beautiful night that the Lord bestowed on me. Do you remember how beautiful the love rhyme you wrote for me? Really romantic. Your rhyme has given me a wonderful inspiration in my imagination. Thousands of poems and rhymes were created because of your beautiful rhyme inspiration. And......The cup of coffee that you always make for me, the aroma and taste are still neatly stored at the tip of my tongue.

Humairo.it will not be enough sheet by sheet to tell the world about all the wonderful memories with you. About all the advantages and inspirations that you patrikan in my soul.that was the first time I had to cry in love because sure can not live with you juxtapose love above the match of love.

Humairo......Love is hate, but love is also forgiveness, because love is the cleanliness and purity of the hearts of the most beautiful chosen people.

Life is a long journey but it will end. And we'll be scattered into three parts. For God, for ourselves and for worms and maggots in the ground. Our spirit will return to the Lord's day if there is no barrier that will prevent him from meeting the Khaliq. When our solitude is in the cramped pit of the body, only good and bad charity will accompany our solitude. If a person who during his life is tormented and restless so that he is hindered is reluctant to draw closer to God because of an unforgivable mistake, does it not include a great charity that is hampered in the side of God if the wounded man gives an apology? Wrong that even as small as zarrahpun will not escape the court of the Supreme Court if it is not asked for forgiveness. God is forgiving and forgiving to His servant who confessed wrong. Can't his servant do that. And for worms and maggots are bodies that are sometimes proud of their beauty while still accompanied by spirits.

Humairo. I'm afraid the spirit left my body and didn't have time to hear a beautiful apology from your mouth, or just drop it through the breath of the baby of the night. My hope and of course your hope as well, we live and die with the words of Lailaiha illa Allah which are imprinted in the heart and spoken until the last breath.

Assume I am prostrating myself in front of you, kissing your feet and crying out for your forgiveness. Look down and watch my face while waiting for a sentence from your lips, ”I Forgive you”.

Humairo. All I know is that I'm a puppet played here and there by the mastermind. I'm just an ordinary man who doesn't escape from wrong and sin. But I hope enough, there are many paths to guidance and self-improvement, because God is Forgiving and Receiving Penance.

Humairo. Do not love too much, because who knows the person you love the most will be the person you hate the most.

On the contrary, do not hate someone too much, because who knows he will be the person you love the most.

Humairo......Our God Bless.....

O Allah, Forgive Me and Forgive My Humairo…..

Adnan finished his writing with a long breath.

After he finished writing, Adnanpun then re-read the treatise he had written. After feeling enough, then fold it neatly and put it next to the bed.

The clock on the wall has shown three o'clock in the evening. The night was far too late. A quiet and soothing night to prostrate on the prayer mat and bermunajad pleading for a way back to heaven. But Adnan abandoned his intentions. An uneasy feeling shut his soul away as he found out Humairo had not yet apologized to him. May tomorrow God deign to change everything” Innernya. He then spread his body and tried to close his eyes even though he knew until dawn he would not be able to close his eyes for a moment.

To whom I call Cairo, may you be happy.