5 Years of Marriage Without Love
I'm Blind

I saw the darkness when I woke up, the light I used to see was now only dark. I asked in my heart, why is it all dark? shouldn't there be a light? but it feels so dark. Dark and thick, I moved my finger, I felt someone's hand holding mine.

The hand that held my hand moved, stroking my hand. Ah I know it's my husband's hand, Gus Bagas.

I called my husband, my throat was dry. I wanted to ask you something but my voice didn't come out. Mas Bagas understood I needed water, he gave me water in a bottle, mineral water with a straw. He approached the straw into my mouth, and I drank the mineral water fresh through my throat.

"Alhamdulillah dear, you are aware," said Bagas.

"Mas, would you please turn on the light, how dark is it?" my many.

Mas Bagas did not reply to my words, he fell silent instead. My voice told him to turn on the lights.

"Well, two days ago you had surgery, there was bleeding in your brain. Thank God the operation was a success" said Mas Bagas

"Yes Mas' operation is on the head, and my eyes are okay, right?" I felt it in my eyes, I confused my two eyes were bandaged. What the hell does this mean? can't I see anymore? am I blind? i'm disabled?

"Dear baby, you'll see again. You must be patient, you must be sincere in what God loves you for. I am so grateful that you did not leave me. If you leave me, who will I hold on to? usually you like your head to be placed on my thigh, my thighs just to hold me your head" said Bagas.

I squeezed the hospital bed sheet, I understood what Mas Bagas meant. I'm blind, I can't see the light of the world, then how can I play with my little daughter? I was blind.

Today I feel like a useless human being. How can I live my life in darkness? usually I can see the light, O God, do I have to accept my destiny? but I cannot see how hard it is to accept this. Reluctant to speak again, I just fell silent not to speak a single word.

"Darling what are you feeling? you want to eat something?? ask Bagas. I just shook my head.

Mas Bagas looked anxious, he immediately called the doctor and also contacted both of my parents. My in-laws came too. I can only recognize them by their voices. They care about me, see me, what's my fault that I can't see like this?

"Loe can hear my voice, right? tell me what's sick? still not dizzy with his head?" ask Dina.

"My head is still dizzy Din, so let me be alone. Help me Din so that the one in this room can get out. A lot of people are also free, I can not see Din. Can you tell them the same? and please say an apology to my parents and my in-laws" I said.

I heard Dina breathing down I, I knew she was very worried about me, but to me this was very heavy.

"OK me out, but Gus stays here" said Dina.

"No Din, have Bagas taken out as well" I asked.

"Can't be so Bilah, loe's husband must be beside you to take care of you," said Dina.

"Gue is blind Din, the cave is not perfect. I do not deserve to accompany Mas Bagas anymore. How bad is my cornea? please honestly!" dina.

"Who wants a donor? the one who died? or someone still alive? there is no way a person who is still alive Din, would donate corneas. Does he want to be blind? it's hard to find a corneal donor, I'll be a lifetime Din, looking in the Darkness like this" I said.

I became hysterical, I screamed to get everyone out of the room. My heart is so confused by my blindness. I can't see anymore, my world is now dark. Mas Bagas continued to persuade me to accept this reality. He kept holding my hand, he promised to find a corneal donor for me, but I was thinking realistically. Who would donate corneas to me? if there is any I have to wait and I don't know when to get the cornea.

I know the truth, because I've read it. The number of people with corneal blindness in Indonesia is not comparable to the corneal tissue available in Indonesia. Indonesia still relies on other countries to provide the corneas needed for grafts, and corneal donors can only be obtained from prospective donors who have died.

"Go..from this room." I screamed hysterically, holding my head which was very painful.

"Bilah...loe Why?" ask Dina.

"My head hurts Din, it hurts a lot," I said.

Dina told everyone in the room to come out, my best friend wants to check on me. This head seemed to want to break. I knew my mother was crying seeing my condition, because I heard her crying voice.

" Bilah.pull breath. Do not think much first. Do not you often advise me to accept destiny. This is the destiny of Loe Bil, you want to be raised to the same degree as God...Insha Allah. Loe must be strong, loe must be iklas. Trust me, I'll find a cornea donor for you. I asked in a Japanese hospital as well because I had connections there." Dina tried to calm me down. Looks like Dina gave me an injection in my infusion tube.

Lying in my ear was the sound of the cry of Heewa, my little daughter. I'm so lucky to have Heelwa, I miss kissing her, I miss hugging her because I got my little daughter after 8 years of marriage, I miss her so much.

'Dear Heelwa, forgive Mamah. Mama can't play with you anymore, Mamah is blind baby, Mamah's world is now dark. Mamah can't see your face anymore, so Mama apologizes, ' said my heart.

Mas Bagas led my way, the way if Mas Bagas did not lead me. If I want to go to the toilet. I have to find my husband I'm really useless.

"Mas, if Mas wants to get married again. Please, I allow you," I said desperately.

"What did you say? I will never marry any woman again. My wife is only you, Nabilah Syaqilah Aini" said Bagas.

"I'm useless Mas, I can't serve you anymore. Can't cook food for you anymore" I said.

"Who said you were useless. You are very useful because you help my empty heart. You are useful to me, because you are my wife who always depends on your husband. If you don't depend on me then I'm the useless one" said Bagas.

Mas Bagas hugged me very tightly. I felt the warmth of his love, yes... God I am so grateful to have a husband like him, even though my eyes are now blind but he has not left me.

Hi readers hope your day is more successful and excited. Sorry I want a little story. The rating of this novel dropped from 5 to 4.8 because there were 2 people who deliberately rated this novel with 2 stars and 3 stars, it was very influential for me for my spirit. Because honestly I made a novel until my sleeping hours were reduced. Every day I only sleep 3 hours for you fans to read in the noveltoon. Read in NT for free, I also got a little money. It's just my hobby to write a novel and share information or about religion that I know from all three of my novels that are still on going in noveltoon. It would be wise if you do not like my novel, do not leave a star trail just do not read it, I apologize if there are wrong words in my writing.

Greetings from me.

Seriate