Me Before You
Chapter 15

Monica has been haunted by curiosity ever since she discovered the yellow-coated book that had fallen down a few days ago, when she was intent on returning Joshua's book. The girl looked at the book without any intention of opening it. The book looks foreign, because as Monica remembers, she doesn't have a book like this. Could this book belong to Joshua too?

For some reason, the girl seemed hesitant to touch the book. But as long as he knew, this book Monica never touched let alone read. The book also looks old and full of dust.

Monica's so pissed herself off right now. Between seeing it or not, it's possible that the book has been rotted and some of the ink has disappeared. The girl finally undoes the intention of opening the book and walks towards the bed to lie down for a moment.

Ever since the incident in the garden at that time, Monica has been thinking of Joshua. Whether it's guilt or longing. Wait, homesick? Since when did Monica miss a Joshua Spencer? Oh, Moncia could have sworn she'd go crazy thinking about Joshua. Monica does not leave the house after last meeting with Joshua. The girl was afraid that if she met Joshua, she could not help but feel her feelings. Monica could have hugged Joshua.

Not long after, suddenly, there was a knock on the door that made Monica gasp and immediately get up, positioning herself to sit cross-legged on the mattress.

"Hi, morning." it was Angela with her friendly greeting, emerging from behind the door. Then the girl went into Monica's room and sat by her bedside. "Have breakfast?"

The girl shook her head.

"Not going down?"

Monica was speechless, not responding to Angela's question.

Yeah, since yesterday Monica didn't want to come down to eat together and Angela felt Monica's mood wasn't good because of her problem with Joshua. They were not actually fighting so much, it was just that one of them was trying to dodge. And that person is Monica. Joshua was actually saying the right thing, but he wasn't being honest with his feelings. At least that's what Angela saw from her second act. And everything seems complicated. Seeing the two who are far apart, makes Angela inevitably become a mediator.

"Still thinking of Joshua?" guess the girl, without waiting for the girl to talk. "Joshua's in front, he said he wanted to talk about something."

Monica still did not answer. His head was filled with thoughts about Joshua. He knows what Joshua wants to talk about, definitely about his departure. Monica knew enough that Joshua had no reason to stay. And Monica felt, she had no hope of meeting Joshua anymore.

Seeing Monica's silence, Angela spoke again. "Sometimes people do need a selfish attitude and every human must have experienced it. Act as if everything in the world belongs to him, prioritizing his own interests. Think about this one more time. I can only be selfish if he's mine."

Monica immediately turned her head, looking at Angela after hearing that last sentence. Without making a sound, Angela knew what Monica was currently thinking.

"Monica listen, if you keep going like this, you're the one who's tormented, baby." Angela said as she brushed the side of Monica's hair behind her ear. "At least you get down and give him time to explain."

"But I...."

"I don't want you to regret it, Monica." Angela interrupted quickly. "He's downstairs now, waiting for you since morning."

The deepest part of Monica's heart was immediately touched when Angela said Joshua was waiting for her from morning, only to meet and talk to her. Why does he have to be like that? Why did he have to sacrifice so much for Monica? The man knew that there was no relationship between them. Is it wrong for Monica if she misunderstands her response?

"What should I do?" ask Monica at last.

"Go and meet him." said Angela.

However, what Monica was doing right now was just silence. He's still in doubt, should he go see Joshua Spencer? Or just let it go. But it's not good to let someone wait. Monica knows that. Without saying anything else, Monica nodded her head in agreement with Angela's submission.

Angela smiled, then the girl stroked Monica's shoulder and hugged her cousin. Angela had full hopes for both. And Angela also hopes that Joshua will keep Monica's past a secret, at least until the time comes. I don't know when that was.

"But if I make a mistake how?" monica asked after taking off her hug with Angela.

"What mistake?"

"For example, I did something like."

Angela smile. "It's not a mistake, it's a natural thing to do."

"But we don't have any relationship" Monica said.

"Then explain to her, about how you feel."

Monica was silent, should it be like that? Wasn't it enough yesterday he told Joshua not to go? Isn't it enough Monica asked the reason for Joshua to stay? Either the man is insensitive or indeed he can't be with Monica. It's just a matter of time. And Monica first drops her heart on Joshua, while the man doesn't even know what Joshua thinks of him.

And. to straighten all this... Monica must meet Joshua Spencer and tell the man that she is in love with Joshua. Whatever Joshua answers, Monica will take it. Whatever it is.... Even if it's bad.

...-οΟο-...

From this morning, Joshua Spencer stood in front of Monica's house to wait for her to come out, even though he knew the wait would be in vain. Either Monica doesn't want to go home or Monica deliberately avoids Joshua. The girl still didn't want to talk to Joshua. There is nothing wrong and right here, sometimes people are, waiting to be searched and when people who are looking start to give up, they just realize their feelings.

Joshua knew Monica needed time alone, but at least once she wanted to talk to Monica before the day came.

Joshua exhaled his coarse breath. She could not sleep because she thought of Monica Frances. The girl who is not who she is, but managed to make Joshua feel worried lately. Plus, the girl could have gotten top priority in Joshua's mind.

When the door of Monica's house opened, Joshua immediately sumringah and intend to winnow the girl. But what happened, Joshua stopped moving when he found that it was not Monica who came out, but the figure of Angela Frances. And Joshua figured Angela would go to the garden.

Joshua saw that the girl was walking towards the gate. It seems Joshua's guess is right that Angela will go to the garden. Joshua was still shaking, but his eyes were still monitoring Angela's movements, which would soon open the fence. Sure enough, the girl immediately widened her eyes when she saw Joshua.

"Joshua?"

Forcibly, Joshua linked a smile on the face. Trying to look friendly in front of the girl.

"Daritadi?"

Joshua also nodded. "Is Monica inside?"

"Yes, he's inside. Shall I call you?"

"N-no!" Joshua interrupted immediately when the girl intended to go inside again, to call Monica. "Let him out. I'll just wait here."

"If you keep this up, when are you better?" sleep Angela. "It's a good time for you two to be honest before you go, Josh."

Joshua sighed in resignation. "I don't even know how to explain, I just want him not to expect me too much. Unknowingly, I had disappointed him."

Angela knitted her brows. "Loved? About what?"

"I once promised to return her memories, but after I found out who Monica was, I.." the man shook his head, then he continued, "I can't tell him and I can't hold on to being next to him."

Angela nodded, understanding Joshua's condition. The girl thought, Joshua must have been depressed by the promise he couldn't keep. Moreover, Angela once pressured Joshua not to say a word about Monica's past.

"It's okay. I'm wrong anyway, because I've gone this far. I tried to avoid the world, but in fact the world brought me to the past." the man put both hands in his pants pocket. "Maybe tomorrow or in two days I'm leaving, Ferdinand said he's booked me a ride."

"And you still don't want to see Monica? Joshua, remember! Don't waste the opportunity you have. At least when you're last here, you can give her clarity, so she doesn't expect it and you can forget it."

Forgetting Monica. For some reason the words made Joshua's heart melt, his chest suddenly felt tight. There was one point in his heart that was objecting to those words, but Joshua could not do anything about it. He didn't want to give Monica any more hope, nor did he want to hurt Monica. Being beside Monica made Joshua feel tormented, because he had to keep a lot of secrets from the girl, Moreover, he had made a promise and he could not keep.

"Okay, I'll see him. But, I have no other reason to survive here."

"Whatever it is, tell Monica straight away." said Angela.

After saying so, Angela goes back inside the house to persuade Monica to meet Joshua, even though Angela knows that Monica may be difficult to persuade.

Joshua again sighed, for some reason this time exhaling felt so heavy. The man stared at the surrounding scenery, at least he still had time tomorrow before he actually left this place. A time to remember some of the memories he made as well as the promise he made to Monica. Joshua still had time to remember before time really required him to forget.

Not long after, the phone in his pants pocket vibrated, someone called him. He grabbed his phone and saw who was calling.

Ferdinand Smith's.

The one who called him was Ferdinand. Joshua quickly shifted the screen of his phone and attached the object to the ear.

"Yes, hello, Fer!"

"Joshua, I've booked you a trip. Prepare yourself because in two days you're leaving."

"Hm, I understand." his sigh resigned.

Hearing Joshua's hoarse voice, made Ferdinand furrow his brows. "Josh?"

"Yes?"

"You okay?"

"Huh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't think I'm ready to get out of here" Joshua said.

"Because of Monica?" guess Ferdinand.

Joshua was silent, unwilling to answer.

"How did you respond?"

"He was angry with me, but I didn't say anything."

"Huh?"

"He knew I was going."

"Then about your feelings?"

"I'll tell her one more time, if I'm not the person she deserves. He'll be disappointed with me."

"Why can you say that?"

"Because I promised to restore her memory, but I denied it."

"At least you've tried to make her happy, Josh."

"I know, but it can't be next."

Actually Ferdinad did not know what Joshua was feeling. He is also confused about what to respond to, because he does not really understand the problems faced by Joshua. Problems that concern the mind are usually more complicated to solve. So Ferdinand as a friend could only give advice to help ease Joshua's burden.

Ferdinand also let out a hard breath. "Okay, okay, that's your decision. I can only support" he said. "But after this you must not falter at the decisions you make."

"Hm, I get it."

"Prepare yourself, Josh. I got a call, I closed the phone. Bye." then the connection was severed by Ferdinand.

Joshua slowly lowered his phone and put it back in his pants pocket. Joshua looked around him. He'll be gone soon. There will be no green views like this. He also could not smell the wine and cheese when out of the house. He can't see Monica anymore either.

His view immediately leads to the fence of Monica's house which reads 'kriet', featuring the figure that Joshua had been waiting for his presence. Monica Frances's. The girl who from the past until now always made Joshua worried. Joshua could see Monica's eye light implying something. And Joshua knows.... The girl misses him. Just like her.

"Hi." Sapa Joshua was finally accompanied by a smile.

Monica Frances's eyes began to glaze over, making Joshua approach and immediately hold the girl. The thing Monica never thought of when Joshua hugged her. The girl returned Joshua's embrace. "Why are you crying, hm?" joshua asked as soon as he heard a voice.

Joshua's current treatment certainly makes Monica waver. He couldn't let Joshua go. Unexpectedly, the man even more tightened the embrace occasionally stroking Monica's hair. What happened to Joshua Spencer? Why did he become like this?

"Don't make yourself feel tormented" Joshua said right in the girl's ear. "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. But I can't stay here. I have a job and a place to live in the city. I'm sure after this we can still meet, there's Angela who will accompany you away."

"Free. I won't let you." reply with a whim.

Joshua stroked the girl's hair again, trying to calm Monica down.

"We will definitely meet." Joshua said. "But I have to go. In two days I'll be picked up. That's why I said you can't keep expecting me, I'm not the one to expect."

"Joshua I like you, don't you have a reason to be here?" monica finally admitted it. Even though he knew that confession wouldn't get Joshua by his side.

"I'm sorry." That's the only word Joshua can say when he hears the girl's words. There was nothing else he could say to such a fragile heart. A little he spoke, of course, would make the dam inside the girl destroyed.

Joshua hoped Monica could understand him and soon forget him. The girl had to move on with her life without Joshua. Life as before reuniting with Joshua. For now, Monica just needs to learn to get used to Joshua's absence. Nothing in this world is eternal, right? Same with Monica's feelings. For sure after this he can forget Joshua Spencer.

...---...