Being Married to My First Love
Initial Step
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I tidied my clothes into the cupboard on an empty shelf. Qila was watching television with her father. After tidying up the clothes I came out intending to join them.
However, when they were in the middle room they were no longer there. I saw my mother-in-law go into her room. Maybe Qila's in the room with her dad. Finally I returned to the room of Dr. Dimas who from now on became my room as well.
When compared to my room, of course this room is much nicer, even tends to be luxurious like a star hotel room. A soft king bed, a large cupboard of teak wood, a sleeping lamp on a nice nightstand, a bathroom complete with bathtub and shower in the room, a separate dressing room, and a, even equipped with air conditioning and all room trinkets are quite expensive. All the luxuries that were unaffordable to my family. But as luxurious as any room is of course for me now who is more comfortable still in my own room.
Can I sleep tonight? I don't know because it's the first time I've slept in someone else's house. What else to share a room with a man.
'With Dr. Dimas in Qila's room, I'd better go to bed first. Until when he comes, he will think I have slept, ' I muttered.
I went to the toilet to wash my face and clean up. Then, do not forget to wudhu first before going to bed. After that, I laid my body on the bed. Feel my body that feels very sore. What a pleasure it is to lie on this soft bed.
And, this time I didn't take off my hijab while sleeping. Because I still feel awkward to show my aurat to dr. Dimas. Even I sleep still wearing my robe.
I tried to close my eyes, but I didn't feel sleepy either. Suddenly it came to mind what if he asked for his rights tonight.
'O Allah I am not ready!' my inner being************* blanket.
To imagine it, I was really scared. I still fumble like what a husband and wife does during sex. I did not understand enough about it, but it was also said that a wife was not allowed to refuse her husband's invitation.
At the assembly, Ustadz said, 'a wife will be cursed by angels until dawn, if she rejects her husband's desire to have sex, until her husband forgives her.
That means if Dr. Dimas wants it now, then I can't refuse it. Precisely if by sincerity a wife serves the husband with all his willingness then he will get a reward. Because having an intimate relationship with a halal partner is worship. And the lawful will bring good. That's what I always remember as a household.
However, now that I experienced it myself, it was quite difficult for me to do. There was a feeling of fear, awkwardness, shame in showing my awrah, even though it was innocent of being my mahrom. There is a feeling of inferiority, whether I am desirable enough or can I give satisfaction, to a grown man who has been married. There's a concern that I'm being compared to his first wife.
'Astaghfirullahal'adzim, why do I think that far. Cindy calm yourself!' my own murmurs regretted that ridiculous thought. It is like losing before a match.
Suddenly I heard a door knob on the press.
Klekka.
Dr. Dimas from behind the door. Reflexes instantly I sat down.
"You haven't slept? I thought you were asleep. Qila asked in temenin bobo with you. I told him, maybe you were tired, so you went to bed early, " said dr. Dimas.
"Emm, Sorry. I looked in the middle room, but you guys weren't there. I thought you might be putting Qila to sleep in her room."
Dr. Dimas then sat on the other side of the bed.
"It's okay, but now he's asleep. Cindy, it looks like we need to talk first before going to bed" I looked down, ventured to look at my husband's face, then nodded my head twice in agreement.
"I feel like you still think of me as a stranger to you, even though we're married. I know you must be awkward, and feel unfamiliar with me. However, we are now husband and wife, I am responsible for you, so please get used to it from now on. It starts with the way you call me. I know it's hard because you're used to calling me a 'doctor' as your boss. From now on consider me like a brother to you. Don't call me a 'doctor' anymore, what people say when they hear that. Strange is not the same husband himself rich superiors and subordinates. Emm, I'm not gonna ask you to call me weird, just call me 'gold'. Not hard, is it?" dr. Dimas said wisely.
Well I'll try to think of him as a big brother to me.
"Try calling!" it was like he was testing me.
"Emm..., i-iya, Mas," I said shyly and then lowered my head.
"Hhhahahhh.., you're so adorable, Cindy!" he said with a big laugh.
'Huhhh, even laughed!' my mind with a pouting face.
"Ehh, sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you, but I was just anxious with your expression!" he said while looking at me.
I glanced at him for a moment, I was really uncomfortable with his eyes. I also looked down and bit my lower lip.
"Cindy, why are you always looking down, look at me!" I round my eyes, hearing her request.
Suddenly he grabbed me by the shoulder until I faced him. I slowly raised my face and looked at him. In a few moments we looked at. I don't know what's on his mind right now but we're both silent. My reflexes lowered my head while biting my lower lip felt uncomfortable being stared at by it.
Now one hand is outstretched holding my chin. So I looked back at him. My heart feels rippling. My mind was confused as to what he would do afterwards. But I don't know what to do.
Slowly he leaned forward. My heart is beating fast now. My body seemed locked and stiff as if it could not move. And my heart feels like it's going to fall out, as it shortens the distance between us. My reflex closed my eyes, as his lips pressed against mine. In a few moments he just kissed my lips. Then, he released his kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes immediately. I wonder if I made a mistake.
"Cindy, can I do it?"
Ask me who knows what I mean I don't understand. Do what it means. What is husband and wife relationship? I was still confused and just frowned at the mark of not understanding.
"Emm, I don't mean not having a husband-wife relationship!" he looks awkward and misbehaved. I still look at him in silence.
"I know you're not ready for that. We can start slowly so you get used to me. I mean can I kiss your lips?"
'Ahhh, what kind of question is that. Didn't he kiss me just now. Why ask permission now!' I finally nodded too.
Slowly he moved his face closer. His one hand was now at the nape of my neck and brought me closer to him. Her lips were back on my lips. The next second it starts m******my lips.
'Ehh.what is this. What I should do. Why is this getting exciting and I can't dwell on her treatment. Is this what he meant by kissing me!' I said in my heart with a feeling that was hard to interpret.
Over time the lum**** was getting more demanding, and I unconsciously opened my mouth. I feel like I'm floating around for him.
Klekka.
His reflexes let go of his kisses and I staggered a little back. We were also staring at the door.
"Papa, I want bobo with Umma!" qila appeared at the door. Apparently he woke up from his sleep.
"Ahhh, yes, dear. Comehere!" he said to Qila.
"I'm sorry I forgot to lock the door, because I've been sleeping alone for so long I forgot the first step!" he laughed at me. I smiled at him as well, nodding.
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