The Crush Of Love
had a boyfriend when I was home

It seems like the honest men in this world only have one in nine. It's hard to guess and hard to find.

If you already have a heart patch, what's wrong with telling the truth? Instead of being kept hidden and in the end it will still be found out. If I were honest at the beginning, maybe my feelings wouldn't have been this painful.

Is it because of pity he chose to silence with his heart. Such acts are even more painful when I know the relationship through others, especially from directly from his lover.

My feelings are messed up, my heart is broken, everything is an irregular mess. Why there must be false hopes that he offered, from the beginning I did not approve of the relationship that was hung must go according to the current.

My current feelings are very difficult for me to describe, it feels really hopeless. The first time I fell in love and the first time I felt disappointed and sick.

***

Tokk. tokk..

“Dear you why? From work home to accompany yourself in the room?” Shouted my father while knocking on the door of my room

“How to father”

“Why does that lemes sound? You sick? I'm taking you to the doctor ya”

“Daddy, I want to rest aja”

“But sure if you are okay?”

“What's wrong, I don't have to worry”

“Kalo gitu dad down again yes, want to help mom cook in kitchen”

“Iya”

Slowly the sound of footsteps away from my room, it was a sign that my father had gone downstairs. I was crying again but there was no sound. I saw my phone screen, there were some messages from Randika.

[Yes]

[Yes, you must have misunderstood]

[Yes, please reply to my message]

[You're okay, right?]

[Please reply, and I'll explain]

[Please, reply Yes]

I returned the message even though my feelings were still broken

[What? What do you want to say, huh?]

[Don't get angry first, let me explain]

[Clearly what? Some days not telling me, she even dated. It's good that no one's bothered]

[Please calm down, yes. It's not like that's the story]

[How do you not like that? It's delicious there friendly, here made sick]

[See, please.].

[Please what? Why aren't you honest from the beginning? If you already have a heart? If you're honest, I can step back slowly]

[No, Yes. You misunderstood. She's not my girlfriend]

[Too not a boyfriend keep what? The guy himself said he was your girlfriend]

[Yes, he's not my girlfriend. I'm just helping him in the last second of his life]

[Help what, huh?]

[The mother asked me to be her lying boyfriend. He had terminal cancer, and his life was not long. His mother wanted me to be his girlfriend until the end of his life. He said he liked me since High School, and his papa mama wanted to see him happy in his last seconds]

[So you want to do that? You don't know how I feel!]

[I don't want to either, but her parents are my mom's best friends. It's hard to push]

[Not an excuse, it's a fact. Wait for me to go back there.]

[Supper]

[Don't sulk. It was just pretending]

[As far as you go]

[Udah ah don't be angry, sleep spit already malem]

[Yes]

[Jealous husband]

[Supper]

I threw my phone in any direction, then fell asleep with a blanket covering my entire body.

***

(POV Randica)

I should be able to calm Desyana down. I love him, even though I still have feelings for Cellyn. Cellyn was my first love in Junior High and now I have a chance to have her, because it turns out she has the same feelings for me.

I wanted to hide this relationship, but it was unexpected that Desyana called me and Cellyn picked up the phone.

Tonight I will contact Desyana to avoid getting mad at me, even if I have to lie to her. At first I felt doubtful, but it seemed that Desyana would believe everything I said.

Although my heart was also slightly hurt from having to lie to Desyana, what could I do, I did not want to lose her either.

I am selfish, selfish, my own feelings without knowing the feelings of people around me, but how else, everything has gone like this.

(POV Randika end)

***

Morning came back to say hello, and I don't feel like I want to go to work today.

“Honey, how are his eyes so swollen?” ask mama

“Papa kok ma”

“Kayak out crying, you cry? Wh why? Who made my dad cry?”

“No, dad. I've watched a Korean drama whose story is very sad, so I accidentally nangis”

“It's not because of that guy, is it?” ask mama full of questions

“Cowok who ma?” ask dad

“A few days ago our son was ushered the same guy, he said he was just temen”

“Darling, did you cry because of that guy?” ask dad to me

“No, why also nangisin guy, not really deh. I'm going to go back to Bentar” first

“Awas aja if anyone dares to make father's favorite child with mama nangis, I make sure the person is porridge.”

“Yes dad, anyways who dares to make a cry father's son. Ah, don't talk about it. Desyana wants to go back first, want to feed the fish”

When I throw fish feed, the fish in the pond also directly eat the feed voraciously.

Sometimes I wonder why I was born human? Why am I not born as air alone, at least I will not feel the wound in the heart.

Randika's words at that time was it true? Or is it all just a lie? If that's true, then I don't mind. But if it's a lie, why would he be that ready? What is less than me? What makes it so hard to like me? Getting to know each other for two years is not a short time. We already know each other.

Is there nothing he likes about me? Has our meeting been based on a sense of gabut only? And could it be that he feels drooping in his pride because I expressed his feelings first? Why are so many questions popping up in my head. Wh why? Why should I feel all this?.

I felt worthy to be next to him, but was it not for him that I deserved it? The laugh we went through was it just the wind? Why do I have to be in such a wrong position.

I want this to end peacefully, I hope Randika can choose between me and her. I also hope that all the things that I am going through this time quickly pass, so that my heart will recover as usual.