My Heart Was Wounded Deep
Chapter 45's

Kikan cleared his throat while trying to hold back the memories that quickly sprung up because of Rey's words.

"I didn't see when you came" said Kikan speaking to dispel the flow of sensual images first.

"Good right?"

"Why good?" ask Kikan.

"Because you probably won't stay for long."

"I don't blame you." said Kikan.

"That's what you said" Rey said.

"You don't trust me?

"You get goosebumps when I get close" Rey replied.

"I try to keep my distance. I don't want you to feel like...."

"As if you still want me. We've been through this. You haven't. Not even a little bit yet. But do you have to prove it by dancing away?" ask Rey.

"I'm not staying away." answered Kikan.

"You look so, you're so bothered being close to me"

Kikan had his own reasons, but he did not want to sound accusatory. "I'm not bothered, I'm fine."

Rey laughs. "You can do better."

Kikan was worried about the direction of this conversation. "I didn't see you around here" she asked.

"When?"

"Before."

"I'm going for a minute." Answer Rey.

"where are you going?"

"I went with Devan and some of my friends, but they were tired and wanted to go home. Then the sub contractor I sometimes worked with, called and wanted to take me out."

When the song is over, Rey hasn't left despite Kikan trying to stay away. "Again," Rey tells Kikan when Pink's song 'A million dream' begins.

As she wrapped her arms around Rey's neck again, she hoped to be immune from the man's touch as she should. But Rey awakens the hormones in her so she feels drunk.

Hold on for a while, it's only two or three minutes away and then he can keep his distance between them and improve his defense. "Where's Jason tonight?"

"Home, sleep. "

Think of others besides him. "you don't work tomorrow?"

" Not early in the morning. I work the day."

Rey tries to attach Kikan to her body and frowns when Kikan refuses. "You dance like a robot" Rey said. "Will you stop antagonizing me?"

Rey looks satisfied when Kikan relents. Kikan felt his heart beating fast, and he could hear it in his own ears when Rey stuck their body together. And suddenly Kikan couldn't think of saying anything. Nothing could distract him from the warmth and solidity of Rey's body.

He must remain in control, must remain in denial as long as it concerns Rey. "hold on....."

" What did you say?" ask Rey

Kikan did not realize he was speaking out loud. "It's okay" Kikan said.

Rey lifted Kikan's chin, so Kikan would not want to look at him. "You know I'm sorry, right?"

"Rey, we danced too close. People will look at us and assume that we are not. They'll even tell your parents and you'll fight again with them like it happened in the stadium."

" I won't let my parents dictate the way I live my life. We're not teenagers anymore, Kikan."

" What do you mean?" ask Kikan.

" That means you have to stop worrying about other people."

" I have to worry about other people. You seem to have forgotten that you make yourself vulnerable to criticism, reproach, and hatred."

" I'm not afraid." Said Rey.

Kikan looked around the bar. "You'll be scared if you know what it's like. Being with me can make the whole city turn away from you. If Jason's with you, they might understand why you're talking to me. But you have to keep your distance when she's not around."

" What if I don't want to keep my distance?" ask Rey.

Kikan can't convince Rey that this is the case. Of course, at the moment nothing affects anything other than alcohol, music and the feeling of being able to do anything and being free from the consequences.

" You're drunk. You're not serious." Say Kikan.

" Maybe this is what I want most."

" You're just talking nonsense." Deny Kikan

Rey touched Kikan's chin again. "Please tell me, do you want to forgive me?"

" Because you broke up with me when we were in school? it doesn't mean anything if I can go as easily as you can" Kikan said.

" But you remain loyal to your heart. Your feelings."

" then? you mean a lot more to me than I do to you. You can't dodge that fact." Kikan said in a grim voice.

" I listen to the wrong people, Kikan I love you. I want you to know that I really love you."

Goddamnit! it was as easy as that Kikan felt so nervous. He is eager to hear Rey say those words for a long time, wanting Rey to say that he is not alone in their relationship, as it seems in the end. Everyone treated her like a fool for thinking Rey still cared about her.

This is more than a restoration of good name.it invites old desires that go back to devouring it. The same passion that kept his past inside him, the monster that slipped behind the shadows, wherever he tried to kill him.

" Thank you." Kikan stopped talking and hoped he would too. He was afraid of what Rey would say next and how he would respond. Kikan can't stop worrying about the past or try to revive it. He has to focus on the present situation and at the moment he has a reason to fight back.

" You smell so good" Rey whispered. Then their bodies get closer, and Kikan is completely out of control, immersed in the moment with Rey and the lyrics of this sad song. "Have you ever wished the night would never end..."

Kikan expects it now, and that's why he ended up pushing Rey away. He makes her want things she cannot have.

There was no reason to make him suffer anymore. There was no reason he should let his weakness in this one man break his heart again.

" It's late. I have to go" Kikan said and headed straight for the exit without giving Rey a chance to answer.