The Essence Of The Darkness
Episode 86: Confession

Akram turned on the tap and washed his face in frustration. When his head was looked up, his eyes immediately looked at himself in the mirror, watching his own face with a half-accusatory look.

How did Elana look at herself? What was she like in the eyes of that woman? Is he still seen as a monster of a terrible rapist who likes to impose his will without mercy, or Elana?

Deep frustration emanated from his glittering eyes, making Akram have to exhale deeply to relieve his chest as if pressured by heavy loads to feel tight and strangling his throat.

What was growing in his soul, what he felt for Elana, was still so foreign even to Akram himself. If so, how did he explain what was raging inside his chest to Elana? While himself has not even managed to examine the feelings.

Truly, being an unwanted figure, by the woman who at this moment really wanted to, felt a great pain in her soul, more pain than any physical wound she had ever felt.

Once again Akram sprinkled water on his face to clear his mind that was still foggy by pain mixed with a turbulent desire. He looked back at the reflection of his face in the mirror and smirked when he realized how ironic he was.

Even when he received rejection and frustration, it turned out that the excitement and desire to have it against Elana was not also extinguished. Although she was so stubborn and unwilling to give up on him, Akram knew that no matter what, he would not release Elana from her hands.

A glint of determination lit up in Akram's eyes when the man finally decided. Yes, if he can't have Elana in a good way, then he'll use another more cunning way, a way that will trap Elana, he said, bound forever with himself with no way to escape again.

Maybe Elana is pregnant now, maybe not yet. But tonight, Akram will make sure that Elana will actually conceive her child. A child who will be the binder of the woman, so as not to be able to escape from her. A child who would be a guarantee to him, that Elana would never leave him.

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Elana stared at the tightly closed bathroom door, and at once guilt immediately filled her soul.Akram's attitude that seemed to be injured with all his statements, especially when the man found out that Elana was still harboring a sense of wanting to get away from him, it seemed so obvious.

But, what did Akram Night expect of him? While Elana is not even able to understand herself?

The feeling certainly began to exist, a slowly fostered affection from the togetherness that was initially forced, coupled with the attention that felt to touch the soul. Elana certainly has no conscience if she is not touched by the good attitude, sacrifice, affection given by Akram to him in recent times. Of course Elana was touched, and she was even touched so deeply that affection grew in her heart towards Akram, leaving her scared to death.

Yes, Elana was really afraid that her fragile heart would finally give up and drop itself to love Akram. If until that happens, it is the same that Elana opens herself wide to be hurt by Akram freely.

Oh, Akram had never hurt her or forced his will harshly on Elana again. Elana has also forgiven the rape and cruel coercion committed by Akram to possess and hold him captive to date. But that doesn't mean he'll never hurt her in the future, does it?

Especially with his position which is just a speck of dust when compared to Akram. If until Elana dared to cultivate love, then suddenly the man felt bored and threw it away as he had done to women who had been his lover before, he said, what else will be left of Elana? He already had no body anymore, taken forcibly by Akram, would he also give up his heart to be smashed to pieces by Akram later on?

For the sake of keeping her heart from being destroyed, it was certain that Elana should not cultivate any affection…. Especially love for Akram, right?

The man never looked more at himself as a woman who was currently meeting his criteria, fulfilling his desires on the bed. Akram's attitude is indeed better, recognizing himself as his lover. But after that what? Even the expression of love and affection, the promise to be faithful forever as it happens to lovers in general never happens to them.What Akram does is satisfy his lust for Elana endlessly in bed, it was as if that was the function of the lover that Akram understood. That the lovers are intertwining the body, not the heart.

Thinking about it all somehow made Elana's chest ache. He sighed many times as his eyes felt hot holding back the tears that were about to spill. Had Akram continued to be mean and cruel, it would have made it easier for Elana to hate him without burden, protecting her own heart from the possibility of falling in love with a figure too high to be loved. However, Akram did his best, being kind, and gentle, until Elana struggled to hate Akram and fortify his heart, he felt a sting of guilt when he saw Akram's hurt reaction.

The bathroom door opened, making Elana slightly gasp and instantly position herself to lie on her side facing the opposite direction to Akram's arrival, then pretend to sleep.

It's enough of any soul-stifling confrontation tonight. Elana's heart will not be strong if given more.

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When Akram stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes were immediately glued to the tiny body lying curled up against his back on the bed. Elana's body seemed to sink under a thick blanket covering her body.Akram thinned her lips with a feeling of irony. How dare the woman fall asleep without any burden after hanging her body with an unchanneled desire that is enough to torment her.

Of course Akram won't let Elana sleep tonight.

Slowly Akram stepped closer to the edge of the bed. His bare footsteps were inaudible, muffled by the sheer thickness of the carpet that covered the entire surface of the floor. Akram wore no clothes other than a white towel that tied around his waist. He had tried to take a bath despite the difficulties caused by the weight on his arms and chest that as much as possible was avoided so as not to be exposed to water. Bathing in cold water which unfortunately is not also able to relieve her increasingly tempestuous desire when she is determined to implement the idea to ensure the pregnancy of the woman.

For a moment Akram stood hesitating on the edge of the bed. His eyes watched Elana's back move up and down regularly. Was wondering if he would be better off being selfish by waking the woman up and making love to her, or acting like a saint lying quietly beside Elana, tortured himself all night for not wanting to disturb the woman's rest.

At once Elana also gave a reaction, her body began to gasp and reflexively try to stay away from Akram. But, of course Akram will not let his woman away from him. Elana's body and lips moved expertly, tracing the surface of Elana's naked nape and giving a gentle kiss along the surface of the warm, soft skin.

“Who said you can sleep?” Akram whispered in a raucous tone, making sure Elana really woke up and could listen to her voice.

Elana was about to turn her head and turn towards the man to speak, but Akram held her back, she lowered her head, she looked down, bring her lips closer to Elana's ears and give her a soft, light peck of feathers that sends the gelenyar all over Elana's body.

“You know, my feelings for you..,” Akram's voice sounded stuck in the throat of doubt that almost never existed in the voice of the man before. “You're the one who taught me to love a woman in a way I've never done before. You were my first love, and you were my first lover. I've fucked a lot of women before, and to me they're not my lovers, they're just objects, bodies, bedmates and lustful satisfiers. However, you are the woman who managed to make me look at you as a subject, as a human figure equal to me, with her own emotions that I sometimes have to tolerate. And you're the only woman who fosters my desire to keep up with everything I've got, the only woman I've missed her presence when you weren't by my side.”

Akram's words made Elana stunned. Truly, he did not expect to hear such a sentence from Akram's lips at all. This man... who is so arrogant and proud of others... admitted plainly that Elana has made him fall in love?

Elana was about to answer Akram's words, but her tongue was twisted while her heart was pounding even harder, suppressed by a strange feeling she had never felt before. Akram's breath felt so warm near his ears, while Elana herself was still filled with disbelief.

Maybe he was asleep and this was all a dream?

“I have no experience with this at all. I don't even know how to love properly. Loving others may be the only thing that doesn't work out well,” there's a tone full of irony in Akram's voice, it was so thick that Elana could imagine how the man was thinning his lips in a vexed smile that mocked himself. “Because of that, you have to teach me. All I know when I want someone is to get as close together as possible, which is why you might think of me as a crazy maniac who unceasingly wants to touch you. Indeed my desire for you seems endless, but that is the only way I know to manifest my feelings in action, to show you what I feel. I want to get closer to you by making love.”

Elana immediately turned around, wanting to see Akram's expression as she spoke, and this time the man did not hold her back. They lay face to face and Elana looked up at Akram's face with a shy expression mixed in curiosity.

But, for now Akram does not seem to want to cover anything. What was on his face described everything, his confusion, his panic, even the love that was not covered up anymore.

“Your eyes say that you don't believe me. Do you think I was trying to manipulate you until you let your guard down and decided to stay?” Akram touched his thumb to Elana's chin and rubbed it gently. “You told me before that I was too proud to love someone else. That I was so arrogant that I never gave up on loving someone other than myself. But now…. I'm really desperate,”

Akram's voice disappeared, though, it was as if the man was again feeling a throbbing pain in his heart over the rejection and over the stubbornness of Elana who still continued to want to escape from him after everything he had done to restrain the woman. “I was so desperate.. I almost went crazy looking for a way to keep you from staying with me, to keep you from running away from me. Don't you know? You're the only woman I want to call my lover. My real lover because you really love me...”.

The solemnity of Akram's sentence ignited a sense of wonder in Elana's fully touched soul. He could not help his hot eyes, explaining the clear fluid of his emotions. His waves rang out when finally Elana could only call out the name of the man between her vocal cords as if suffocating.

“Akram...” His whisper was raucous, not knowing what to give a response.

“I'm not asking you to return my feelings for now. I'm just asking you to be patient and give me a chance. I will learn to love you in the right way, in the right way. Teach me what I should do to make you happy,” Akram cupped to both sides of Elana's cheek and raised her, making her so close to him. Her lips rubbed against Elana's soft lips, while her eyes stared intently with determination. “Teach me what should I say to make you happy? What should I do or at a time like this in order to meet the standards of a lover for you?”

Akram gripped Elana's lips, and kissed her.

This time Elana did not refuse him, when Akram kissed her, she replied to him. When Akram touched her, Elana wrapped her hands around the man's sturdy back feeling the heat of the surface temperature of Akram's skin as opposed to his cooling body.

When Akram claimed the woman as his own, Elana's entire self-defense collapsed already, giving in and letting her heart and soul fall into the man's power without wanting to fight back again.

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