My Beloved Bodyguard's
MBB 114

“I ... don't know yet.” Bayu pushed the envelope away. “ Shan-Shan is entitled to answer, not me.”

“You're her husband, Bay. Shouldn't you guarantee her happiness?” Rarendra. “I'm sincere. Let's just say, part of my atonement.”

Again Bayu was silent. If Rarendra is attacked by regret, he actually feels the same way. Especially since knowing the reason for the man before her, the sense of it was getting suffocating.

“I'm sorry.” Bayu. “Not just Shan-Shan, I actually have the same big mistake. I was directly involved in the conspiracy. But I can't do much either. The boss ordered me to protect his daughter, at all costs. I know Shan-Shan's mistakes are hard to forgive. Day ....”

“She has not been able to drive and force to bring a car. The report I received, he was half drunk. I don't know exactly what happened, but he should know that his mistake has claimed three innocent lives Rarendra looked teary. “Because I love her, I can only forgive her. Honestly, what Shan-Shan and his family did was too painful. No responsibility, no guilt. Does anyone think of the victims' families?” 

Bayu is getting bowed. “Why new now? If it's love, why not look for it?”

“When I know .. I love Shan-Shan, I hate myself. I feel like a traitor.” Clear liquid fell from the corner of the eye and hurriedly rubbed it. “I need time to make peace and accept the fact that the rumbling feeling in my heart is love.”

“So loved her?” Bayu's heart is wrung. The same feeling is overpowering him.

“If you can choose, I hope not to fall in love with him. There are many women in this world, but why should this feel anchored to Shan-Shan. Sometimes I feel useless there. I ... He should have ended up at the end of my bullet that day. But, I can't do it. That's where I know, I really love her.” Turning his great chair and turning his back to Bayu, Rarendra sobbed without a sound. He doesn't want to look weak because of women. 

Almost ten minutes spilling tightness on his chest, he turned around and tried to look ordinary.

The question that came out of Rarendra's lips sounded trembling. It was not easy for him to re-scratch the wound he had covered.

Bayu gulped, observing change after change in Rarendra's face. One word of apology came out unknowingly.

“Sorry. I don't know what happened back then. I thought all this was business competition, it turns out there are deeper things. Sorry, it should be .. I'm honest with you and Shan-Shan.”

Bowed, the man in a neat suit was hiding his regret.

I know .. I'm selfish. I hid my feelings of love behind the word help. I took advantage of the situation and chose to be the white riding prince for him. But, am I wrong? I only fight for the love I feel in secret. 

“Forget it, she's your wife. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. She's happy with you. Not more. For going forward, I still doubt. He's my lover's killer. It's not fair that I put my heart to him.”

Bayu back in silence. For some reason, guilt that had never existed, was suddenly present.

Have I been selfish all this time? I forced her by my side in various ways. Is that why God punishes me? Five years I fought and he never considered me at all. Is this a punishment for me?