Because I Don't Want to Lose
28 - Questions

Randi's wedding is counting the days. Anaya was busy coordinating the preparation of the event, until it was somewhat forgotten

with his cooling relationship with Izzar. In fact, he is the one who makes the atmosphere no longer warm. He ignored the attention of Izzar who remained gushing as usual. His haughty attitude was re-elected to protect his heart. He hopes that by freezing his feelings, he will no longer be disappointed if Izzar gives his time and attention to other women, especially Sasika.

However, although Anaya widened the distance, he could not completely avoid Izzar. Inevitably he had to talk to the man to ask for access to the villa and plead for his help taking care of licensing in the local area.

Randi rented two nearby villas for his family and Sarah, as well as a number of hotel rooms. Anaya is on his big family list. He smiled wryly reading the list of accommodation distribution that Randi gave that afternoon, as they stood leaning against the villa's rooftop fence watching Anaya's team and vendor workers preparing tents and chairs in the spacious courtyard below them.

He and Izzar were given a room in the same hotel where Randi and Sarah were staying.

“We can check in from tomorrow,” Randi said. That means the day before her wedding.

“I find a place by myself huh?” anaya Pinta.

“Continue, where do you want to stay? Inhere? Are you full of your office kids?” Randi asked back.

“I can go straight from home. Naira also has to go to school.”

“Do not joke, ah!” sela Randi does not like Anaya's plan. He believes his cousin is trying to avoid his family and other relatives.

Anaya was silent and did not respond. His gaze was fixed on the arch of Mount Gede at the foot of the sky. His heart and mind ran to trace the figure of Izzar who feels foreign now. Ever since his last quarrel, the man had still given his usual treatment to him. But Anaya stayed away. Hence he tried to reject the delicate hotel room that Randi provided.

“Nay!” Randi called Anaya.

“Hmm?” Anaya.  Randi looked at.

“Why you?”

“Ngga nothing,” Anaya replied flat.

“Still noisier with Izzar?” search Randi.

Anaya breathed. The incident at the restaurant some time ago was definitely observed by Randi, who now showed his curiosity.

“Why are you guys fussing?” cecar Randi's. The previous question was not answered by Anaya.

‘Yaa.. can be called household. There must be a storm, Ran. You will also be doing.” Anaya elbowed Randi's waist.

“Yes, but I don't want to be like you two. Loves weird, not obvious!” tuding Randi's.

“Thou shalt think of me, Ran. I'm fine, kok!” sangkal Anay.

“You will always say fine. That's why I don't think too much of you. I think more about Izzar.”

Anaya scowling. Emotions ignited. This is the second time Randi has said something similar that shows that he is more concerned with Izzar.

“Why the hell, every time I and Izzar have a problem, you care more about him than me?! I'm your brother?!” Anaya's voice was rising.

Randi was wide-eyed with the sudden anger of Anaya.

“Why are you angry?”

“Because you always defend him. Like he didn't have anything wrong? Am I always wrong?” Anaya's eyes looked at Randi fiercely.

“I don't blame you!” Sandy looked back at Anaya.

Anaya turned her face away. Biting her lower lip, resisting the overflow of emotions in her chest.

“Anaya..” Randi embraces his cousin's shoulder.

“I don't defend Izzar and don't blame you. If I seem to care more about Izzar, it's because I know he's very kind and sincere to you and Naira.”

“So, I'm not good?” ask Anaya.

“But, why do you seem to think more about Izzar's feelings? Not me?”

“Because I never doubted your husband. His heart and actions are in harmony with yours. Your mouth and heart are often not in sync,” Randi replied as is.

Anaya moves to release Randi's hand from her shoulder. The fire in his chest lit up again. He did not accept Randi as if he deified Izzar, and expressed his shortcomings. Although the picture of him is true.

“Synchronous how? You don't know if he ever lied. The nights I saw him meet other women in the coffee shop. He said it was his client. No, her ex-fiancee... That's what you said aligned?” Anaya sneered.

“Hmm... I'm sure the reason is because he doesn't want you to have any thoughts.” Randi.

Anaya smiled cynically.

“I know, about Sasika who forced to meet Izzar. But, believe me, Izzar will not playfully give any hope to him. He's just part of Izzar's past, Nay. Trust me!”

Randi again wrapped his hand on Anaya's shoulder. No longer dodging, Anaya instead leaned her head on Randi's arm. He really needs a back up at the moment.

“If they still meet too, how? While at the same restaurant as you and Sarah, I saw Sasika sending a message asking to meet.” Anaya finally recounts the cause of her quarrel with Izzar.

“So, you're actually jealous, right?” Randi held back her smile.

Anaya was silent and did not answer. He was ashamed to confess his heart.

“You've already told Izzar, if you don't like him finding his ex again?”

Anaya did not give an answer. His tongue was stiff and motionless and his lips were tightly locked..

“This is how Anaya I know. It's hard to express her own feelings. Choose silence or even talk contrary.” Randi. “Try learning to be honest with yourself, Nay!”

“I'm afraid, Ran.” Anaya opened a little gap of her calamity.

“Fear what?” ask Randi.

Anaya's lips opened, but a word did not come out. He was at a loss for himself how to express his fears if he was honest with his feelings. His relationship with Izzar was based on material transactions, not love. He is afraid of being disappointed one day.

“You're afraid Sasika will take Izzar?” Randi tried to guess what Anaya was thinking.

“Can be right?”

“Why don't you feel confident like this, anyway? You are more than Sassika. He's got nothing. But, you must be able to accept the existence of Sasika who is only a former fiancee. Izzar alone can accept Randi right?... Why are you afraid? Moreover, your status is Izzar's wife?” Randi asked in astonishment.

Anaya took a breath and looked up at the clouds strewn across the sky in the late afternoon. She was indeed Izzar's wife, on a contract paper that would expire in a few months.

“Izzar not Ridwan, Nay! But, as a woman, you still have to be able to tie your husband's eyes and heart so as not to glance at other women. Take care of the appearance, romantic a little like your own husband. Don't slab kayak toll road,” ledek Randi.

“Ih!” Anaya replied to her cousin's brother with a pinch on his waist.

After making sure the preparation of Randi's event was in accordance with what Dian and his team planned, Anaya went home.

Along the way, he thought of Randi's words. Especially about learning to be honest with yourself. He does not understand the right way. He only knew he had to give up by striking distance with

The izzar he created. Perhaps, the first step he had to do was admit that he longed for closeness and familiarity with Izzar.

Anaya arrives home at seven in the evening. Izzar's car isn't in the carport. Mba Kemi said, since morning the man has not returned home. Anaya dares to call, but Izzar's phone is off.

Out of curiosity, Anaya contact the Maharani. However, the girl could not give an answer about Izzar's whereabouts.

“I don't know where Mr. Izzar is, Mom. From noon Mr. Izzar out of the office, but did not say where to go.”

“OK! Thanks.” Anaya ended her call with a troubled heart. His heart was filled with questions about the whereabouts of Izzar

***