Because I Don't Want to Lose
41 - Selecting

The next morning, Izzar gave Anaya access to his laptop to browse the mebeulair catalog and furniture of his colleagues, as well as photos of the results of his interior design work.

Seeing everything, Anaya was confused because so many choices that caused the concept of his dreams to become blurred. An hour does not seem to run out to explore all the pictures.

"What can you look for?" tanya Izzar who just finished feeding Naira breakfast.

"You're a real poison, anyway! I'm so confused!" Anaya vented her worries on Izzar.

Izzar laughs.

"Help me out, Zar!"

"We went to my friend's shop. You can choose directly. I'd like to order stuff there, too."

Anaya asks Mba Kemi to escort and accompany Naira to school. While he took Izzar to his office before going to the furniture store that Izzar mentioned.

From inside the car, Anaya's gaze was thrown out the window. He noticed the busyness in the streets, especially the fast pace of people who from his appearance were heading to work. Their faces were serious and some looked tense. Maybe because of time, or deadlines. It could also be because of scolded by the boss or his client.

Anaya smiled to herself. If he wasn't on leave, he might be like them. Hastily chasing targets, holding patient on to annoying clients. Even though he is the owner of the company, still he can feel the pleasure of not thinking about work.

"Why smile?" Izzar reprimanded him amid his concentration of driving.

"I again compare those who want to go to work with me who are on leave like this. It's really nice to be living without being burdened with work."

"Yes, you don't have to work next" said Izzar.

Anaya looked straight at me. "meaning? I quit that job?"

"Yes, you said it was good to live without being burdened with work. Izzar turned back Anaya's words.

"Yes, but..." Anaya paused her sentence.

"But what?" Izzar.

Anaya fell silent. He hesitated to say 'where do I get my income from?', because from a long time ago he was used to making money and meeting his own needs. And he felt grateful for his independence. Evidently when Ridwan betrayed him, he was not economically devastated at all.

Ridwan's lazy attitude used to make Anaya reject the demands of being a housewife and encourage her to become a hard worker. While with Izzar, Anaya does not know how to. He did not understand whether Izzar's expression of not going to work next was his wish or just responding to Anaya's speech.

Anaya pondered in her heart. In fact, he sometimes felt tired of the work he chose. His once money-oriented outlook on life is now more family-oriented.

It is comfortable to be near Izzar. He was happy when the man looked after and protected him. He also did not mind being guided and directed. He also likes the moment when Naira is jealous of him. In essence, he felt complete and happy.

Returning to the idea of stopping working, made Anaya sigh. There was one question that stuck in his heart. If he stops working, will Izzar take full responsibility for all the needs of their family?

Anaya wanted to ask, but realized they had arrived in front of Izzar's office.

While Izzar finished his task, Anaya waited in the company of the Maharani. The neighbor girl looked different now. More mature and smart to dress up. Although it is said that Maharani's mother had betrothed her son to Izzar, Anaya did not feel jealous in the slightest. Perhaps also because of the attitude of the Empress who was reasonable, not insignificant and respect Anaya.

Two hours later, Izzar takes Anaya to his friend's furniture store. Anaya was amazed to see models of furniture, as well as fixtures and home decorations of various designs available. Everything looks good in his eyes.

Anaya. Izzar, who initially wanted to give her freedom, eventually helped her narrow down the options.

"Choose the one you like the most, but the one you really need" Izzar said.

Before long, Anaya finished ordering the most necessary items. He waited for everything to be counted, while watching Izzar discuss with his friend about the order of goods for his project.

A shop clerk woman calls Anaya to the cashier. He handed me the booking invoice.

"All ready stock items will be shipped tomorrow yes, ma'am. If the custom is two weeks away. We will be infokan.

"okay!" Anaya took out a debit card from her bag.

"It's paid, Mom."

"Who paid?" Anaya.

"Sir," the woman replied as she pointed at Izzar who was sitting behind her.

He did not expect Izzar would spend big enough money to pay for all his groceries.

"Izzar... Why did you pay for it?" anaya asked as they were in the car again.

"Can I pay you?"

"Don't underestimate me dong Anaya! You used to marry me right when my condition was worse. I wanted to accept your money at that time, because it was transactional. You need a lying husband, I need to pay a debt. But, thankfully everything changed and started to improve, right?"

"Yes, but still I'm not good" said Anaya.

Izzar braked his car finely. The red light up ahead forced him to stop.

"Kok, so it's not good?" Izzar looked at Anaya. "We're family, right?"

Anaya nodded.

"Who am I working hard for? Yes make it out! Why are you not so good?... Or, you still think I'm someone else? Husband pretending?" Izzar asked his question with a bitter laugh.

"Related!" Anaya felt cornered. "But, at least we can't share!"

Izzar.

"I educated my mother to appreciate and not burden women. Especially the wife."

Anaya quiet. After he remembered, Izzar had never asked for money for him all this time. In contrast to Ridwan, who to buy gasoline only to raise his hand.

"You and Naira are my responsibility. Even though you work and have your own income, I am obliged to meet your needs. Later if my money is enough, I will also buy a house that is more worthy of my efforts. So, never feel bad, okay!" Izzar's index finger poked Anaya's cheek.

"So, if I don't work, nothing?" Anaya recalled the question left in her heart.

"Ngga anything. I never forced you, did I?... I'm glad you're home a lot.

"When I get bored?"

"Look at my face. Surely in an instant you will return cheerful and excited to live life."

Anaya's hand immediately floated about to pinch Izzar's arm. However, Izzar caught it faster. A few moments both pulled and held each other, until the sound of car horns behind them warned the traffic lights had turned green.

"You sometimes bummer, Zar!" Anaya scowling.

Izzar laughs. He refocused his eyes forward and rearview.

"Actually no, as long as you relax a little. Don't squint."

"Am I a luncher?"

"Yes. That's why Naira's following. Possessiveness is similar to yours. Only, the boy dared to say what it was. Different from you who are just buried, but the urgency is not clear," said Izzar as it is.

Anaya held back her laughter. He always could not dwell if Izzar had read his behavior. How much love he had for the man beside him. He really hopes Izzar also really sincerely loves him.

Izzar invited lunch before going to Anaya's house to arrange the items that Randi had sent.

They stopped at a restaurant. As Izzar was parking his car backwards, Anaya whose gaze remained free in all directions suddenly saw two people he knew. His heart immediately thumped for a moment.

From the viewing room on his left side, he saw Ridwan and Sasika side by side entering the door of the restaurant.

"Izzar!"

"Yes?" sahut Izzar who is still focusing on tidying up the position of his car.

Anaya realizes, Izzar does not see Ridwan and Sasika.

"We eat somewhere else, yeah!" Anaya begged.

"What's really here?" ask Izzar wonder. Because, Anaya previously did not mind when he offered this restaurant.

"I changed my mind. From yesterday I wanted to eat chicken. I just remember up ahead there's a typical Manado restaurant."

"Distant no? I'm so hungry."

"Nga! It's only 200 yards from here."

"okay!"

Anaya relieved Izzar according to him. He chose to keep his own sight that he had seen, even though his mind was full of questions. How can Ridwan and Sasika be together?

***