Because I Don't Want to Lose
63 - Grief

All around him looked blurred and sounded away. Anaya was swept away in silence within her. The last conversation with Izzar on the phone came back. The conversation flows like before. Without a partition even though he remains with his selfishness and arrogance. He regretted refusing Izzar's video call request.

Now, he doesn't know where Izzar is. The faint voices encroaching on his ears said of the kidnapping, money laundering, Ridwan case, and so on. It was enough to make him understand what was going on. Money laundering is usually carried out by syndicates. As he had seen in the film, their temperament was loud, rough and inclined to use all means.

His reasoning was to recount the reasons and causes of all the problems he and Izzar faced. The trailing led to the presence and role of Mr. Arsyad which was like shadowing the journey and decisions of his life.

Anaya became conscious. His eyes began to open. Her former in-laws had been overly interfering in her relationship with Izzar from the beginning. On the grounds for the sake of Naira and herself, she arranges and suppresses her family. In fact, he had actually taken Izzar hostage and framed him for his personal interests.

A slow feeling of anger overpowered him. Sounds and shadows blurred, reverberating around him. Her eyes began to focus on Randi who was calling someone, and Sandra who calmed Mama Izzar. Want him to blow up the fireball of unrest that burned his chest. However, the small voice that called out to him shrunk his emotions and restored his reasoning.

“Mama!”

Naira who appears in the middle of the immortality of adults, encourages Anaya to take her to the room.

“Oma why? How are you like a crybaby? Om Randi is also like an angry person?” ask the ceriwis.

“Ngga nothing, they are again exciting just chat.”

“Chat what?” chase Naira.

“Custom adult chat.”

Anaya takes Naira's pajamas and pushes her into the bathroom.

“Why should I sleep? There are still many guests in our house.” asked Naira after being replaced by pajamas.

“Because it's night and time to rest for the little ones.” Anaya led him to lie down on the bed.

“Why not in my room just sleep?” tanyakanya.

“Tonight accompany mama first yes. Mama is afraid alone.” Anaya reasoned.

“And there's a sister in Mama's stomach?” naira's hand held Anaya's stomach.

“She also asked for the company of Sister Naira.” Anaya widened the blanket over the bodies of the two of them.

The little girl smiled. Anaya hugged him.

“Ma, Dad when to go home?”

“Later also home.” Anaya pressed the gala.

“I used to say, if we move back to this house, I want to sleep with my dad, because he's my girlfriend. But, later when he comes home, I sleep in my own room, Mama can sleep with him.”

“Care?”

“Iya. Aye! I don't want to be his girlfriend again.”

“Why?”

“I think I want to date the same age I am.”

“Good!” Anaya was relieved.

“Mama don't ask, I already have a girlfriend or not?”

“You have a boyfriend?” Anaya obeys Naira's play.

“Hmm.. Not yet... I just had a crush.” Naira smiled shyly.

“Who?”

“Child next to home oma. Name's Raffa. Yesterday, I was invited to his house, and he kept giving me chocolate. He’s so cute!” Naira laughed while covering her mouth.

Naira chuckles. Anaya knows, it is just the process of growth and development of Naira. Anaya smiled and could let go of her unrest a little while waiting for the news of Izzar. Even though he even wanted to immediately tell this conversation with Naira to Izzar and was curious to find his reaction.

“Mama... If dad has come home later, can we sleep three more?... Uh! Now it's four of them!”

Anaya nodded. He remembered when they slept together in the restroom of Izzar's house. How he woke up with a sore body because he could not move hugged from left and right. But he was happy at the time. Now, he was moved by how such a simple thing could provide warmth and comfort to him. Just like Naira, she wanted to repeat the event again.

After Naira falls asleep, Anaya leaves the room. Mama Izzar was calmer, and asked her to rest in her room. Randi is still talking seriously to Mr. Arsyad's staff in the living room. In front of them, Anaya called Mr. Arsyad, but his number could not be reached. Anaya then asked his former parents-in-law to provide access to communication to him. The result is the same. He was instead asked to calm down and just wait for the old man's direction.

An upset made Anaya grow furious at the old man. He was annoyed, because Mr. Arsyad seemed to avoid irresponsibility with the safety of Izzar, while he was the cause of this riot.

“You calm down, Nay. He must not have stayed silent. Maybe for the sake of security too so he can not call at his number it.” Randi calming.

Anaya held back the unease that raged in her heart.

“Since the beginning, he only used Izzar aja, Ran.”

Randi guides Anaya sitting on a chair and embraces her shoulders.

Anaya was silent for a moment. He felt dizzy again and nauseous. He put his head to Randi's ear.

“What if I find Ridwan?” whispered.

“Make what?” Randi.

“To persuade him to ask his network to release Izzar. I'm afraid Mr. Arsyad can't handle this problem.”

“Do not try to see him again. Later runyam the problem. Already, do not have to think about that. Someone was looking for him. If you look outside, there are some people who keep us here.”

Anaya remained doubtful.

“Anaya, you can be annoyed with Mr. Arsyad. But, believe. He won't let you down.”

Despite being reassured, Anaya was still worried.

...***...

Two days passed, Anaya had not received any news about Izzar. He can only wait and pray. Mama Izzar who was also anxious, did not want to leave him. He even resolutely withdrew his departure to Australia.

Anaya's house was never empty. Izzar's male cousin took turns to accompany him, because Randi had to share his attention with his wife who was also pregnant. Everyone is looking here and there aided by the authorities.

On the third day, Anaya's cell phone rang out a call from Tania, Ridwan's lawyer. Randi who was nearby reminded not to agree if Anaya asked to visit Ridwan again.

Anaya nodded, then answered.

“Halo?”

“Halo, Ms Anaya?”

“Iya?

“Please sorry to interrupt. I just want to tell you the sad news..” Tania fell silent.

Anaya immediately flinched. His body was cold while his voice trembled. Tania's soft voice was like lightning that warned the storm would arrive.

“What grief news?”

“Pak Ridwan this morning complained his chest hurt. We managed to get permission to take him to the hospital. But, he was not helped. Half an hour ago Mr. Ridwan died on the IGD with a suspected heart attack."

Anaya stunned. His tongue and his whole body froze. Even though his relationship with Ridwan was more noisy, his heart still grieved in knowing the man he had loved was gone for good.

...***...