Trapped by the Love of Leaning
The Heart of Shirleen (Shirleen POV).
Shirleen POV's.
Those eyes I know, I know they're full of disappointment.
He was disappointed in me, he felt played with in our relationship. What am I supposed to do, I don't even know what to do after I see those eyes ?
It wasn't him who let me down, but it was me who actually let him down.
He was quite mature despite being younger than me, he was patient enough to accept me for who I was, but I was helpless, a mistake I had in the past now continues to haunt me, he said, until the fear was still carried away in my second relationship.
Six years ago I defied my parents' opinion, I even had the heart to leave the two people who knew me best just for the sake of someone I loved a long time ago.
Six years ago, I chose my own path, confirming what I saw, that what I chose seemed to love me very much.
Six years ago too, I stood alone, thinking what I did was right, not that I considered them wrong, just that I followed my heart, and I've always said that conscience is never wrong.
Six years I left my parents, it was difficult but as time went on I felt enough to live with the love of a man who said he loved me too.
Until things turned around, it turned out that the two people who knew me the most were never wrong, they even chose to argue with me to take me on the right path six years ago, but it was a pity that I ignored and could not be stopped.
That's why I always follow whatever the plans or wishes of the parents, including my in-laws who want to take Jason to the right path.
Even when Mama Mila said she planned to keep us away, I couldn't protest, my tongue was muffled though I strongly disagreed, I wanted to talk to Jason alone, I already know how bad he is, I think I should try to always be by his side, talk about the problem well even though we were not a married couple at the time, for me there is no harm in expressing complaints, maybe while gently stroking his hair that has begun to muddle at that time will make him more comfortable in exchanging opinions with me.
But I couldn't do it, and again and again the shadow of me opposing my parents six years ago is again spinning in the memory of my brain, I can only hope Mama Mila's advice will really bring Jason into the good, I really hope that the man who will be my future husband at that time can change and build a household together with me, he said, inside, there's Misca and Jacob and our children who will inherit half of my face and Jason's.
When he found me, actually I was very happy, it means that I was loved so much that he was willing to look for me anywhere, I took him to talk alone and he promised to leave his black world, he said, again and again I fly because he obeys me, just for me, really I just love him more and more.
Then we got married, even though there was a little mistake that caused us to get married suddenly, I was honestly okay, anyway sooner or later we would get married, he loved me, loved my children, he said, and how many times have I said that he would marry me after he graduated from school, it was time for me to repay all the love he gave me. So I'm fine, I'm fine and I'm happy.
I have no complaints whatsoever about him, he is so kind, papa is alert, every day I even fall in love with him, let me continue to nurture this love to the mountains though, it just doesn't feel like it's going to be enough to pay back what he did to me, he took care of me and the kids, what better a husband can do, what better a husband can do, or a real father is not the real father of my children.
But he seemed to close his eyes, he always said I, Misca and Jacob were home to him, lying I was not moved if every day rained such love. Sometimes I even cried happily in his arms, it was almost perfect.
And in the end that day I came across a reality again, the fact that my husband did not really stop from his black world, I learned it from Mr. Fredy Nickholas, he said, he was someone who knew my husband well.
Even according to his confession, my husband was closer to him than Papa Adrian.
But over and over again, I had to lose my trauma, as Mr. Fred planned to make Jason realize I was instead mindlessly hanging on to him, because again I feel he knows my husband better than I who just accompanied him in almost a year.
I think I was exiled in a place with Ipah, Misca and Jacob there was nothing lacking in that place, the luxurious facilities provided by Mr. Fred should make me more comfortable, but there was really not a moment of my mind being distracted, I really could not eat properly nor do anything well.
My husband is doing what he's doing there, is he okay, I just know Mr. Fred is trying to wake him up, maybe giving advice by talking to each other, or whatever could make Jason turn to the right path and leave his black world immediately, I'm pinning my hopes on Mr. Fred.
Did my husband feel the same way that I felt back then, so worried about him, so missed him.
Until that night, Mr. Fred was caught, I was taken by Jason while Ipah, Jacob and Misca were taken somewhere by Jason's men.
My husband's demonic side is starting to show, I can't believe he can subvert an opponent in an instant like he did that to Mr. Fred, I don't even know if Mr. Fred is alive or not right now.
I was so scared, what else when Jason driving beside me didn't say a word, his gaze straight ahead, so cold, I don't know I could even see the anger in his eyes at that moment.
My husband must have been disappointed that I avoided him again by running away from home, but to be honest I was helpless, the trauma was always bothering me, at this time I realized it was actually better to talk between husband and wife together rather than depending on the expectations of others, maybe while peppered with hot activities we will make it a little relaxed and then melt, but I did not even do that even though I had time to think about it.
Even though my heart was against, when Mr. Fred seemed to want to interfere with our affairs, and here I instead let him because I always thought I did not know anything about Jason Ares Adrian my husband.
Here he is, before me, promising once more that he will fix everything, that he will leave it immediately for my sake, for the sake of his little family.
But my lips were muddled again, I said to him a bastard and a liar, and even I said that he could not be trusted, I hurt him again even though I did not want to.
I realized I was getting carried away by emotions because he separated me from my children all night, especially I still don't know where they are. I really don't want to call him a bad person.
I wanted to caress that cheek, wanted to apologize, I don't know everything is out of my control, and I feel like I'm not a good wife.
The shirleen POV end.
Seriate...
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