Story In July (End )
Day one - 4

Today was a very hot day even my throat felt very dry, very!.

I walked out of my room to go to the kitchen and in the kitchen I opened the fridge to look for something cold and sweet, but there was nothing there.

There were only vegetables and fruits, I was too busy looking and suddenly someone was holding my shoulder.

"Non...?!"

After that there was a very loud 'Bruggh' sound, I even flinched as the tip of my head slammed into the top of the fridge.

"Ouch!!" ringisku, reflex I rubbed the shoots of my head that hit earlier.

"Waduhh..! not papa?!"

"Ouch... Mbok don't bother me" my whine, without turning to look at it and instead returning to my activities to find something I was looking for.

"Yeah sorry non. But what else is non-tea looking for?"

"Search for escrim but there isn't any?!"

"Huh.?, instead of already eaten the same non yes"

"Mhd... If I had eaten, I might not have asked the same"

"Same mistress kali non"

I stopped my activities and closed the door of the fridge, taking a deep breath and exhaling violently.

"Judah I'm out for a minute"

"Where are you going, non?!"

"Tell me to mamah I come out for a while." I replied briefly and densely.

"I-iya non careful yes non"

"Hen.." I replied as I walked away.

..._o0o_...

Along the way it felt like my entire skin was all burning, even I was hijab-tasting hot as if burning all my scalp.

A few minutes later I finally arrived at a cafe, from outside the place was very nice and quite quiet.

I think maybe it's good in it and it's probably quiet, too, Dad... I hope so.

When I opened the door of the cafe came the sound of 'Kring' which sounded quite loud in the ear and instantly ... The look on my face was changed from the originally excited now that the spirit was gone like the wind.

"Pantes is lonely outside, anyway... People are on the move inside" I murmured.

I looked for an empty place while choosing a place that was a little away from the hustle and bustle of the crowd, my eyes were busy exploring all the spacious rooms and in the end I chose a table in the corner, when I put my ass on, someone suddenly came up to me.

"What do you want to order, brother?!"  ask waitress who approached me earlier.

The waitress brother in front of me called me big brother when I was only 13 years old, while the waitress brother in front of me was probably around 19 years old and up.

Well... Not strange either, anyway I just have a height outside my age.. It's uncomfortable.

"Eum.. Is there ice cream, right?"

"Yes there is definitely a dong sak.." his Jeda at a glance.

"There are many" he answered.

"If... Ice cream oreo is there?!"

"There's a sister"

"Ice cream oreonya one"

"Good sister.." the Jeda glimpsed again.

"Eum... Anything else?!"

"That's ajah"

"Where are you, brother?!"

"Here" heard that the brother walked away.

A few minutes later my order came without any more ba-bi-bu I immediately ate the ice cream.

The taste of ice cream is very sweet and soft, ouh well. Among all kinds of food I like sweet food the most.

And.. Speaking of food, I will tell a little bit about my story and my family.

Do you guys know? among my family, I like the food that has a sweet taste.

And yes... I know their characteristics very well, the father likes the salty taste, while the mother likes the sour taste the most. 

Sometimes I feel strange myself isn't the child always a resemblance to one of his parents?! But.. I'm different from them.

Every time I think about it, I think of it as silly and even disturbing, sometimes I think that I am not their child.

Hahah funny well..

But.. I have always dismissed all such unprofitable prejudices and even if my guess was true, it would be impossible.

And. ouh well, it's about my parents if you want to know about my life story, know it's not nice to hear.

From the time I was little, they were never home they rarely had time to take care of me, let alone take care of me. To play and teach me about a lot of things just seems like they don't care.

I was always alone and only mbok who always took care of me, invited me to play and helped me in doing homework given by my teacher at school.

And when I got the lowest grades in school, and Papah and mamah got so mad at me they said I was embarrassing them.

Then after that papah and mama gave me tutoring teacher, not until there. They even asked me to always be the best student in school even I was forbidden to have friends because mamah said.

"Why do you have friends?!, they can only waste your time and interfere with your learning concentration, you should learn!, not play! spit home!!" yell mamah.

Then mamah pulled my hand violently, pulling me to leave my friends who were playing with me at the time.

I can only obey and unfortunately again during school other students always talk about me, whether it's arrogant, pretentious, smartass and much more.

But I always behave bodo time, yeah.. Why listen to their useless words.

And... There was a time when I was at the peak point precisely in the past years, when the 2nd grade of Junior High I deliberately lowered my rank, because I was getting fed up with their attitude.

When I got to the front door I saw papah and mamah waiting for me on the living room sofa, with eyes glancing sharply at me and their gazes like eagles staring at their prey.

Father stood up and came to me and stretched out his hand, no... Not to ask me to kiss her hand, but rather she wanted my rapot.

I opened my bag and gave her what she definitely wanted, and when she opened it she widened her eyes and slammed my rapids violently.

"Basic is useless!!, then why do you give a tutor for you, if you are not a becus!"  shouted the father who roared towards me.

Mamah who was sitting sweetly on the sofa, was surprised by papah's attitude and stood up and approached us both.

"Why pah?! I'm angry" asked Mama.

"Your son, his value is down! and he got second place in school"

"Huh?!.." cried mamah.

"What the fuck are you Zahwa?!, you don't want the school anyway how can your grades be down?!" snapped momah.

"Don't blame others for blaming yourself!" papah paused his words, then suddenly he put his mouth together

"Makanya.. if the child's true education!, do not continue to attach importance to work until you forget the same child husband again. That's bad..!" papah syndicate.

"Did you say mas? How come you're wrong with me, I'm trying to be a good wife!"

"Efforting?, trying from where, huh?! you are always busy with your salon work." pause papah at a glance.

"You! there was never time for me or Zahwa, let alone for Zahwa. Just don't make me think you're not a dick!!" yell papah while pointing to the face of mamah.

"Enough mas!.." shouted mamah while pointing the index finger in front of the face papah.

"You're here wrong too! you always prioritize your work.so, don't blame me!, if I also do the same with you." pause mamah at a glance.

"And yeah.. What did you say? I never had time for Zahwa. No, you are not mas! You are also wrong in educating children!!" yelled mamah who did not want to lose in shouting.

I walked past them with blank eyes while the emotions I had always been holding back began to flare up trying to get out of me, I did not listen to the words of those who accused each other and shouted at each other, and then after that...

"Diamond!!!" raungku and..

'Prankk' was the sound of a vase I smashed onto the top surface of the guest table and some of the glass fragments hit my forehead.

"*You're not cape huh?!" my snapping.

"You are always fighting, fighting, fighting. What are you not cape? I'm the only one who sees you guys sick of not knowing*?!"

After that they immediately stopped fighting and the house that was noisy because they were shouting at each other turned into silence.

They glanced at me with mixed faces ranging from surprised and worried, they might be surprised by what I did at that time or maybe they were also worried about my situation at that time.

I laughed and smiled and then held my forehead with my right hand that was still holding a vase of flowers, even part of the bottom was broken because of my actions earlier.

The wounds on my forehead are not worth the wounds on my heart, well... Maybe this is what people say that the wound is more painful than the physical wound.

"Are you unconscious?" jedaku.

"The more you blame each other, the more you prove that you don't want to be blamed" I said with a melancholy face.

"Are you unconscious?" ask me again with a flat face, regardless of the pain in my forehead.

"YOU'RE BOTH WRONG!" snapped me and made papah and mamah imprisoned because of shock.

"You never had time for me, you guys.." My hands were fleeting again.

"Never appreciate my hard work and you've always forced me to keep learning, learning and learning!"

Papah and mamah were silent while their ears continued to listen to every word I said.

"You always said you were doing it for my own good. Now I ask, where's the goodness, huh?!"

"If the way you treat me is like an animal to submit to and obey its master. I'm not a puppet you can master at will!"

"I am a human being! pah!, I am human. I can't always look perfect and I still have a heart!" 

I give pause to my words and inhale greedily, it is very painful if I say it further but I can no longer bear the suffering I have experienced so far.

"And again, if you want to know the truth I'm capee mah, reward. I'm cape, I'm cape!! for years I've always done what you wanted!"

"But what, what did I get?!" 

"The more I obey your will, the more you will control me!" my toilet.

With my chest up and down, and every word I say always drains clear liquid from my eyes.

Silent...

The situation turned very quiet even long enough we remained in that state, until finally mamah began to say something.

"Sa-say sorry mamah son, mamah know mamah is wrong. Buti.." pause mamah at a glance.

"Look at that d-your-head first!" lirih mamahku stammered, then stepped one step forward towards me.

"Don't come any closer!" snapped me suddenly so that made mamah instantly imprisoned in shock.

"Nobody comes any closer!!" threaten me while pointing at the vase I still hold.

With swiftness, papah advanced forward to approach mamah and embrace it.

"O-okay, okay. We won't come to you but put the vase down..!" lirih papah, with the hand that still embraces mamah and then papah and mamah take a step back.

"Hehe.. For the first time I saw your worried face pah, why are you crowing me with such a face? are you scared. If I..."

"Laughter!/Darling!" yell papah and mamah together, but with different calls.

They screamed as I played around with the vase I was holding and scratched it into my pulse area.

"Zahwa! don't do anything stupid, don't think that by doing this, it's over!" yells papah hysterically.

"Pretty dear, enough... Sorry we son, we know we were wrong but don't punish us in this way" he said.

"I'm confused about you two, whether you really love me or if you want me to stay there to do what you want me to do, and in the end you will get compliments from people"

"I ask you one more time, are my words true?" ask me with teary eyes.

Silent...

Again there was only silence when no one opened their mouth just to talk, no one even answered the question I asked them.

They just stared, they just kept silent like a deaf and again I could only smile grimly lamenting how unfortunate my life was to have parents who only thought of themselves.

"Why? why are you two quiet?, I asked, right or not!" my yelling.

"Yes... Right!!"  answer papah with a snarl.

"But that was before. For now papah will not force or pressure you anymore" continued papah.

"liks. I know you guys must be lying" my finger at a glance.

"I know people like you will never be satisfied! and a man who once lies will still lie"

"Do you guys know? YOU TWO ARE SELFISH NOT TO KNOW?!, EGOTISTICAL. You're egoiss!!"

I sat down violently on the cold floor, my whole body was weak and the blood from my forehead was getting more and more flowing nonstop, so my face was almost completely covered with blood.

"Silk... You're selfish. Selfish!" I kept saying that with a blank look.

Then suddenly someone grabbed the vase I was holding, then pulled it roughly and threw the vase away in no direction.

That burly hand pulled my body to its fullness and hugged me tightly even very tightly, on the sidelines I vaguely felt a tremor from his hand.

"Laughter.... I'm sorry papah son" his Jeda at a glance.

"False man" he stroked my head and somehow kissed the tip of my head.

Then followed by another warm hug that came over and it came from behind me, well.. The hug was given by my mother.

"Mafin mamah is also dear.." lirih mamah.

They let go of their hugs and saw my face while I saw their eyes perfectly round and I didn't know what else to say.

Because what I felt was something coming out of my nose, followed by a feeling of dizziness and weakness that spread throughout my body, then everything became pitch black.

I don't know what happened after that, which I knew when I woke up I was in the hospital.

And from the moment they changed their attitude towards me, they became more considerate, more freedom-giving, but I was being watched and they didn't even demand that I be the best.

Yet... From that moment on, my attitude changed, I turned cold and ugly towards them and I knew it was wrong.

But for now I want to be like this, and they understand my actions even though sometimes they complain to me.

But their grievances are just like the wind then to me, am I cruel?! i-i know...

But you must know that shattered glass will be difficult to repair even if repaired damaged scratches will remain visible.

And that's how I am now destroyed and they then fix me, but it's useless because the scratches will remain visible at any time.

I spooned my spoon into my ice cream bowl, but it turned out that my ice cream had run out when it had only been tasted since I had eaten it.

My eyes now look around this cafe room and here there are so many people gathered, I admit I hate the crowd but I hate this feeling of loneliness and emptiness.

I just want to have a friend who can accept me for who I am and I want to have a friend who is always there for me, whenever and wherever it is.

But I always realized that there would be no human who would accept a human like me.

Humans who would act like monsters if they made me angry, would not exist and I always realized it would never exist.

In this world there is no such thing as a true friend or anything because it only exists in novels, comic stories and dramas.

I took a deep breath and exhaled violently and then I got out of my seat, then paid the price of ice cream I had eaten to the cashier.

After that I waltzed away from the cafe and again this feeling re-emerged, a feeling that even though I was in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the crowd.

But I always felt like I was living alone in this world, with no laughter, no small talk, or anything that people would always do.

But that's okay, because I'm used to it.

Do you guys know?

My life is like a piece of paper that is empty, white and flat.. Nothing fun, no color, nothing.

Seriate...

^^17 february 2022^^^

^^^Wida pitriyani^^^

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