Suddenly a Husband
Apology Yohana

I wet my face and all the limbs that became the pillars of ablution. Cool feeling. After feeling calmer, get out. Initially wanted to lie inside the mosque while waiting for the Maghrib but not so when found Yohana standing waiting in front of the door of the son's bathroom.

"Ben" he called me soft.

I'm still indifferent.

"Ben, can we talk?" her door.

"No!" firmly answer.

"Ben," he's welding. "For Mother's sake, for peace at home. We have to determine the attitude."

"It's been since you decided to follow Abah six years ago!" I'm not losing firmly.

"Now I'm still following Abah's wishes, too,"

"Oh, then just do it. I don't want to get involved!"

"Also my heart's desire "he spoke in a very soft voice, but it was very clear to my ears. "Ben, I .. still love you."

Be ill. Why it hurts so much. Why does he say he loves me? Why not from before? Wh why? Is it because bang Sigit no longer exists, or because he was also forced to fear Abah? Ahhh liar! I don't care, keep walking towards the mosque. When asked if he loved me, he said no. And I've decided to believe his confession.

"Ben!" He called me again. But I don't care, keep getting into the male shaf.

***

There are many prayers that I pray to the Creator, about my heart that somehow feels right now. I was obviously disappointed in Yohana. I was so angry I didn't want to care about what he said. To me he is a traitor unworthy of hearing. In my eyes, he was even worse than Abah.

After the Maghrib prayer, I did not go home immediately, kept silent in the mosque until the Isha prayer ended. I decided to come out last because I was still buying time. The plan tonight is also to return to Jakarta. I want to calm down first. But unfortunately, Yohana was still standing near the exit of the male worshippers. Seeing him there makes me goitre. He must be waiting for me, no other way.

"Why are you here? Why don't you go home?" I asked, still with an annoyed look.

"I was deliberately waiting for you Ben, I want everything to be clear today as well." Yohana.

"Gois you. Just like your brother. You deserve to be Abah's adopted son!" I said. "You forgot you had a child? Since your afternoon is here, isn't your son looking? What kind of mother are you, huh?" i snapped.

"Yes, I'm a bad mother. Even when I married her father, I was still thinking of you."

"Alright, quiet!" I'm getting upset to hear it. After all, Bang Sigit is my brother, which brother is not angry if his brother's wife turns out to think of another man and the bad guy is me!

"That's why you made your own plans so that I destroyed myself. So Hana? How did you. We made a deal that we both planned. But you betrayed. There is no proper punishment for a traitor other than to forget him!" Hearing Yohana's confession made me even more inflamed.

"Ben," he called back.

"Don't ever dream of being my wife Yohana. I would never want to. Only loyal women will I marry!" I said.

"You love me, Ben," said Yohana.

"That was. Now no. Abstain for me to go back to the woman who betrayed me. You've chosen your own path, become my sister-in-law, forever will be. I don't want a former person, even if it's my own ex-sister!"

"Ben!"

I walked quickly towards the house, no matter Yohana followed with great difficulty. For me, there is nothing more we need to talk about because between us there is nothing to defend. Our story is over, the book has changed with other books that we do not need to intersect with each other anymore.

***

"Change, Mother ... Ben apologizes, but Ben can't follow Abah and Mommy's wishes. Ben had another choice. I'm sorry Ben, Ben's coming back to Jakarta tonight." I said. While carrying my bag.

"Whatchu mean? You don't want to obey Abah's orders?" asked Abah in a soft voice but contained a threat.

"I'm sorry Ben, Bah. Ben and Yohana can't be together, Ben has a choice" I said.

Abah was inflamed, mother and Ami pale, while Yohana tried to hold back so that her crying did not break, but it also broke. Her sobs even sounded clear in my ears.

No Yohana, no. No cry. Be still. Just keep acting like before. Don't make me feel bad about the decisions I've made. You who started hurting first, now enjoy the game you have made!

As if I had no feelings, I left the main room. Suddenly Abah's voice snapped followed by Alif's cry which was shocked by Abah's voice. The voice grew louder and louder, turning into a curse. But I don't care, as if everything was like the wind.

"If you dare to leave, you will never come here again. You're not my son. Until death I don't want to see you. You heard that, right, Ben? Not even your mother will ever be able to see you. Knows you!" Abah kept talking.

Life is a choice, Ben. You have made a choice, so go and never worry. You have the right to decide everything. You are not a child anymore that can be arranged as Abah pleases. You have feelings and not spare tires. Yohana should know that too!

My old bike drove slowly leaving the yard, after arriving in front of the alley. I pushed him as hard as I could. Until people move aside. I almost lost control of the vehicle I was riding. Just stopped when I almost hit a roadblock.

"Aaaaaaa why is this so? Why do I have to go through this complicated scenario! I just need them to respect me, not just anything like this. Is it because I'm being treated so I can be treated!" I kept nagging, not caring about the other road users. "Why did Abah become a selfish father. It is true that there is no heart. Abah can do it without caring for my heart. Since I was always born, I tried to accept reality but it was always wrong!"

Satisfied yelling to channel emotions, then the old bike back I run towards the boarding. Arriving at the boarding yard, my motorbike parked just anyways, I don't care if Riki, my best friend rebuked me the way I parked, even when he followed to the room, I still ignored. My door was shut tight, and my lights were turned off. I decided to throw myself in bed, try to calm down but I couldn't.