Till The End Of Time [Inuyasha Fanfiction ]
Chapter 162's

Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru did not understand the loss. In his long life, he never felt any loss, even when Inu No Taisho, his biological father died, he felt nothing either. He is an inuyoukai who was born to be the ruler of the western lands. Educated to be strong as a youkai should be.

Youkai?—What is youkai?

Youkai are the most superior creatures in the world. There's no point feeling. Feelings will only make you weak. Feelings will only make you disappear. Youkai are creatures that can live alone.

Sesshoumaru is a youkai. A true youkai who was at the top of the world, and he was aware of that. He's strong, he's smart, he's powerful. He is invincible, he has everything and he—should be heartless.

Sesshoumaru.

The soft sound was like the clang of bells with the smile of spring laughter on the face, Sesshoumaru did not understand why the smile of the woman's laughter was imprinted in his heart; it was engraved unforgettable.

Sesshoumaru-sama, Rin loves you.

Of love? Is that love? Love is a useless feeling. Love is something that will make you weak and lost. Love is a weakness for youkai. But, in his long life, Sesshoumaru knew love.

Sesshoumaru found love in the beautiful twinkle of a pair of clear brown eyes that stared at him, finding love at the end of tiny, curved lips forming a smile as beautiful as spring laughter. In every song and dance, in a soft voice that called out his name. Cinta—Sesshoumaru found it in a human woman named; Rin.

Love that does not know since when there is a love that cannot be stopped and released. Growing up and growing, then, on waking, she had loved so deeply—too deep that she herself could not find the foundation of existing love. He was trapped without finding a way out.

The human woman was everywhere as Sesshoumaru directed his gaze. When spring blooms, she will be in a flower garden, sitting in a necklace and a flower crown. In the summer when the sun was so hot, he sat closed his eyes on the terrace of the room enjoying the wind. When the marple leaves have fallen in autumn, she will dance beautifully in the red and yellow world that exists. Then, during the winter when the world froze, Sesshoumaru could see the figure sitting in a thick kimono beside him. Smile, laugh and whisper slowly—Rin loves you.

Loving and being loved.

Sesshoumaru knew both of those feelings. Happiness, warmth, as well as comfort given—perfection. He did not ask for more, he was satisfied. Very, very satisfied with what he had; the most beautiful gem he had obtained in this world.

The most precious gem.

Yes, the most precious gem he got because of an accidental encounter. Exceeding the beauty of the four seasons, exceeding the softness of the moonlight and the brilliance of the sun, beyond all things the beauty of the jewel is not explained by the word.

But, besides being beautiful, the gem was also very fragile, and—dia was unable to take good care of it. Unwittingly, the gem slipped out of his hand, fell and— broke.

Guilt, self-loathing, despair, helplessness, suffering and—regret. That feeling filled him. Then, along with the time that goes on, all those feelings change, and Sesshoumaru also realized, it turns out, the feeling of losing the person that is most important to us is not sadness, but rather—kampaan.

An incredible void, a void where no one can fill it. An emptiness that eats from within is like a disease.

Why can't he take good care of her? Why should he lose? Why should he feel this emptiness?

The birthday present Rin wants this year is the happiness of Sesshoumaru-sama...

That day, the day he lost the woman he loved, Sesshoumaru promised that he would be happy. However, in the end, he can only ask himself; what is happiness?—he doesn't know anymore.

If you need my help, find me in the human village. I'll be here soon for you.

We will always be there for you and Shura, Brother.

You can get through this, Sesshoumaru-san.

Inuyasha, his wife and human friends and their families, Sesshoumaru did not remember what they said when they left the western palace. Two months after losing the woman that spring, they return to the human village to move on with their lives.

Servant is Kisaki's personal guard of the western lands, therefore, let me guard the hare mountain where his last resting place, Sesshoumaru-sama.

The life of the servant is the life he saved, let the servant follow the servant sister guarding the hare mountain, Sesshoumaru-sama.

Left and Kira, they also left the western land palace and he— did not stop them. He let them go.

I'll leave the palace. Take good care of Shura. Remember, you said you'd raise my granddaughter the way her birth mother expected.

Inukimi who also left the palace, followed by Jinenji, the two youkai ladies-in-waiting Rin and who else?—Sesshoumaru no longer remember him. Yeah, he knows, it's not easy living where all the good memories are. Those leaving the western land palace were to step forward blanking their future, to heal the wounds as time went on.

Little Rin did not know, so he asked, 'if one day Rin is gone, will you always remember Rin? But, Rin who has grown up knows, 'If one day Rin is gone, you can forget Rin, Sesshoumaru-sama..

Forgetting.

Sesshoumaru would laugh now if he remembered. Forgetting? How did he forget? In her short life as a human, she taught her a loving Sesshoumaru, but, for Sesshoumaru's long life as a youkai, the woman forgot to teach her how to forget.

Yep! Sesshoumaru could not forget, in fact, when he closed his eyes, he could still clearly see the face in his memories—he he loved; you were so sparkling in a world of a million colors.

If one day Rin really is gone. Burn Rin's body. Let Rin's ashes disappear with the wind. For Rin does not want Rin's soulless body to be used as a weapon against Sesshoumaru-sama for anyone...

For her, that human woman left this world without leaving anything behind. He willingly turned his body into ashes and disappeared under the wind. Truly, that woman was the dumbest woman he had ever seen in his long life. Because of that—Sesshoumaru can only look straight at Shui who is in front of him who imitates the woman.

And, this Sesshoumaru will always be Sesshoumaru. It will never change. Calm and strong do not flinch no matter what happens.

That beautiful face—that woman's face. Did Shui change to resemble that woman to suppress her? Did the dragon youkai think that if he became that woman, then he would not attack?—if it was like that, then Shui was really stupid, because that would never happen. Shui probably thought he had managed to imitate the woman's face perfectly. But, in fact, the dragon youkai failed. Pretty similar, but different. The woman's eyelashes were longer and taut, her eyes were also bigger, as were her redder lips and blacker hair the dragon youkai was really making a joke in her eyes.

But—killer.

Why did you kill Rin?

The face had no effect on her, but Shui said it had a killer— effect.

Why did that woman die? Sesshoumaru had always asked and asked himself in these ten years. He died because he told the woman to leave. Go and do not live in this world anymore. However, if only ten years ago he had made another decision—if only he had ruled that woman still remained; would that woman still be alive now? could it be that there would be a miracle where the woman would live and all would be well?

Assassin.

Sesshoumaru knows with speculation that Rin died from giving birth to Shura; that Shura is Rin's killer. Yep! Rin may have been killed. But, the real killer is not Shura but rather—himself; Seeshoumaru. He's the real killer of the woman he loves more than anything.

Why didn't you ever tell me?

His son's question was directed at him. Question everyone who directed at him—why? Why did he keep it a secret from Shura? Why didn't he tell his son the truth? Wh why?

Because—dia didn't want their precious child to end up like her.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I cannot find Shura-sama!!" full of panic, Jaken ran into the workspace of the ruler of the western land.

Lowering the scroll of documents in hand, Sesshoumaru looked at Jaken who was still full of panic.

"Shura-sama is not in her room. I looked everywhere and asked anyone, but I still couldn't find it!" jaken continued, full of panic. His face was deathly pale and sweat was flowing down from his forehead.

"Jaken," replied Sesshoumaru. His voice was soft and flat without emotion. "Get out."

Jaken was speechless at Sesshoumaru's orders. Hesitating, he opened his mouth again. "B-but, Sesshoumaru-sama.."

"Get out." Sesshoumaru. His two golden eyes again stared at the document scroll in hand.

Jaken could not say anything more hearing Sesshoumaru's orders. Sighing, he then walked out of the workroom of the western land lord to look for the heir alone.

The room became quiet again after Jaken. Closing his eyes, Sesshoumaru then placed the scroll of documents he read onto the table. Concentrating his mind, he searched for the existence of the aura of youki Shura within the western land palace. The ruler of the western lands knew that his son was still in the palace, because he could still feel his aura as usual.

Stunned, Sesshoumaru immediately opened his eyes once he managed to find Shura's existence within the western land palace. Standing up, slowly, he immediately stepped out towards the place where his son was.

How did Shura get there? Sesshoumaru did not know. His son was only a few months old, he couldn't possibly walk himself there, but, other than Shura, the lord of the western lands couldn't sense the aura of others in the place.

Entering a garden, Sesshoumaru's golden eyes stared at the cherry blossom trees that had not yet bloomed in autumn. Then, he stared at some parts of the garden that were overgrown with autumn flowers beautifully even though they were not managed.

Rin promised, Rin will definitely grow the most beautiful flowers for you...

The sound like a beautiful twang whispered softly. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, no matter what season the flowers in this park are indeed the most beautiful flowers according to his promise. But beauty is of no use anymore.

This place, the eastern pavilion of the western land palace, Sesshoumaru had no idea how long he had not set foot here. These few months, he spent more time in his study or in his son's room in the western pavilion of the palace.

Stepping on, Sesshoumaru then arrived at the front door of the room where Shura was. Opening the shoji door slowly, the first thing he saw was the figure of his son and also—the smiling painting of the human woman he loved.

Sitting in front of the painting, Shura's two golden eyes full of tears stared at the human woman's face. His two little hands were raised up wide open, and his mouth kept muttering, "Ahhh!! Ahhhh!!"

Sesshoumaru's footsteps stopped. His two golden eyes widened to see the crying Shura in front of him.

Realizing Sesshoumaru's whereabouts, Shura then turned her face back. Staring at the father with his teary eyes, he shouted loudly. "Oahh!! Baba!!! Baba! Mamaaay!"

Sesshoumaru seemed unable to breathe seeing what was happening. Although his son could not say a word, he knew what his son wanted to convey. His son wanted to hug a human woman in painting—hugging his mother as he taught.

"Oahhhh!! Ahhh!!!" shura's cries grew louder, as well as her tears flowing more and more down her face.

Walking quickly, Sesshoumaru immediately knelt down and hugged Shura tightly. Both her hands shook and desperately she tried to catch her breath to control her feelings.

"Ohhhh!!! Ahhhh!!!"

Shura's cry grew louder, and the tighter was Sesshoumaru's embrace. Closing his eyes, he could not say anything, except—"Sorry."

Shura will grow up well. Our son will be stronger than this Sesshoumaru, he will be the strongest youkai in the world - the pinnacle of all unrivalled peaks. No one will be able to hurt him, he will live as he wishes, safe, secure and; happy...

It was his promise—his vow on the day on which he released the most precious woman to him. But, like slapping him—he failed.

Blissfully.

His son is very similar to him, because that is what he is like, his son will not be happy. Their happiness has vanished. The human woman took him away as she left them. So—how can his son be happy?

Being in this room alone and crying looking at his mother's painting, Sesshoumaru knew, he came alone here. His instincts demanded him to come here, because of Shura; to miss that human woman. Ah, how arrogant he was when he said their son didn't need that woman anymore.

Excuse me. Sorry and Sorry.

Shura cried, she wanted her mother, and Sesshoumaru could not give her. Because of that; sorry. Sorry and sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted the most. Sorry for her selfishness, she let go of the most precious female figure in their world—sorry because she couldn't do anything for him.

'If one day Rin is gone, you can forget Rin, Sesshoumaru-sama.Forget Rin, if you will look like this every time you remember Rin...'

The voice flashed in Sesshoumaru's mind, and Sesshoumaru slowly raised his head staring at the painting of the gently smiling human woman.

Forgetting.

If you could forget, then this would not feel heavy. If you can forget, everything will return to how it was before they met—if only you can forget.

I love you, Shura...

Closing his eyes, Sesshoumaru then made a decision. Forget—he can't do it. But not for Shura. Their son is still small, so small—he can still forget him if no one reminds him.

Rin always loved you, Shura...

Releasing his embrace, Sesshoumaru stared at the tearful face of Shura Erasing the tears that were there, he made a decision for his son.

Forgetit.

Forget it, that way these shackles will disappear. Forget it, that way you won't cry anymore. Forget it, because then you can—happily.

"Shura, forget it."

Was the decision he made right? Sesshoumaru did not know. From then on, she did everything she could to have Shura forget about the human woman. He forbade anyone to tell him the whereabouts of the woman who gave birth to him. He kept all the relics of the woman and he locked the eastern pavilion of the western earthen palace.

Don't remember—forget. She's not the woman who gave birth to you. You are a true youkai with pure blood, your birth mother is a true youkai like you.

"From today on, he is your son, and you are the woman who gave birth to him."

Staring at Akiko who was kneeling before him, Sesshoumaru handed Shura over. There was not a word she spoke anymore when the fox youkai came to her palace to be her partner.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!!" call Akiko half-screaming. He stared at the confused ruler of the western land in front of him.

"You want to be the woman who gave birth to the heir to the western lands, don't you? This Sesshoumaru will grant her—from today, you are the woman who gave birth to my son, Shura."

Akiko stared in disbelief at Sesshoumaru. This was not as he had expected, he had not expected this to be his position when his father said the ruler of the western lands accepted himself in the palace.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!!" call Akiko again in panic. It was obvious that he could not accept what the ruler of the western lands had said.

"If anything happens to Sesshoumaru's son, then this Sesshoumaru will make sure you and the entire eastern contents are destroyed in the most painful way."

Mother.

The mother of her son is Akiko not that human woman. Akiko who is a true youkai will not love her son, and that is what Sesshoumaru wants. A mother who does not love her child, so her son will grow up without realizing that there is a mother who loves him more than anything.

Love is a useless feeling. Love is something that will make you weak and lost. Love is a weakness for youkai. That's right, look how weak he is now.

Therefore, forget it, be a true youkai. Forget it, be strong without feeling. Forget it, don't love. Without weakness and never going to lose—be like that, Shura.

Blissfully.

Happy son?—Sesshoumaru don't know. Seeing his son growing up well, seeing his son getting stronger by the day and more similar to himself, he felt his decision was not wrong. Until that day—day where he saw his son staring at the painting of the human woman when he was eight years old.

Again, not knowing his instincts or what, Shura entered the room in the eastern pavilion of the western earthen palace and found the painting. He did not know who the soft-smiling human woman was, but his pair of golden eyes stared fixedly at the painting and were filled with a longing—.

Forgetit.

Shura did not remember it, but she could feel their bound bondage. Deep down, her son realized, the human woman in the painting is a very precious woman—mother who always loved him.

Forgetit.

Every day, Sesshoumaru saw Shura clandestinely entering the room in the eastern pavilion of the western land palace just to see the painting. Stare at him all night to sleep, talk to him even though he knows there will be no reply. Then, that night, once again, Sesshoumaru saw Shura crying in front of the painting.

Standing in place, Sesshoumaru's golden eyes looked at Shura who was asleep on the tatami floor. In front of him, the smiling face of the woman in the painting struck by the moonlight was like life, as if watching her son's peaceful sleep.

Sesshoumaru stared at the face of the woman in the painting he had never forgotten. Thinking, what would the woman say to him if she knew everything she had done. Will he blame himself?

"Ehmm..." Shura's small mutter captured Sesshoumaru's attention, and the ruler of the western lands could see a single smile filling his son's face. The dream? What did his son dream of smiling like that?

However, instantly Sesshoumaru was stunned. Despite smiling, she could see on her son's face—tears. His son was crying again. What dream?—Sesshoumaru knows now, his son dreams of a human woman in a painting; dreams of his mother.

Looking at the face of the woman in the painting, Sesshoumaru asked even though he knew, no one would reply. "Why is forgetting you so hard?"

Blissfully.

Happy son? Sesshoumaru asked again. If only that woman was in her position now, would she also make a decision like herself—forget.

Sesshoumaru did not want Shura to remember, but he also knew. On the day he sees his son crying in a dream, sooner or later, what he is hiding will not be hidden forever—Shura will know the real reality. But, with all his might, he would hide all of that for as long as possible. She didn't want her son to end up like—himself.

Therefore he sent Shura to the southern land. His son could no longer be in the western court. He did not want to look for the third time his son cried in front of the painting of the human woman.

His promise. He still held it, their son would grow up well. Their son will be stronger than this Sesshoumaru, he will be the strongest youkai in the world—the pinnacle of all peerless peaks. No one will be able to hurt him, he will live as he wishes, safe, secure and; happy..

Southern land—Akihiko.

Sesshoumaru did not like her, but he knew, he could trust Shura to her. Why?—because he knew, the wolf youkai would definitely keep his promise to Rin first—promise to guard and protect Shura. She won't tell Shura the truth, because she doesn't like her son.

Yes, Akihiko may not like Shura because he considers Shuralah the cause of death of the human woman. But, as disliked, the wolf youkai would not be able to hate him—the blood that flows in his son's pulse is the blood of that human woman. Akihiko is the best choice.

Don't remember, Shura.

Everything came back again as usual, in the southern lands, Shura would not be able to remember. However, it turns out wrong, his son finally remembers and despite the chaos, he comes home to see him, asking; why?

Wh why?

Wh why? His son's question directed at him, Sesshoumaru could not answer. Wrong decision?—she does not want her son to love and be hurt, but in the end, she still fails—she cannot protect their precious son. He let her suffer and be hurt.

Shura, the son of the west, the only relic of the human woman that is most precious, loving is weakness. Therefore, do not remember it. Forget—forget your mother, Shura..

.

.

.

Now, Sesshoumaru felt a tremendous pain in his chest. His eyes were fixed on Shura's face full of panic and fear. His ears could clearly hear the cry of his son, but, all felt very far away.

"Yahanda!!!"

Looking at the face of Shui at the front, Sesshoumaru saw a face figure similar to the woman he loved laughing wide full of madness. When he realized, he only found out that there was a hole in his chest—his heart was plucked from him.

"Sister!!"

"Sesshoumaru-sama!!!"

"Sesshoumaru-san!!"

The screams of Inuyasha, Jaken and the others were heard. However, the same as Shura's shouting voice, everything felt very far away. Sesshoumaru felt his gaze begin to darken. His strength began to dissipate, then before everything was engulfed in darkness, he saw again, his son's face full of fear.

Die.

Will he, Sesshoumaru, the inudayoukai ruler of the western lands die? Dead like this?—but, if he dies now. Will he be able to forget?

Sesshoumaru-sama, Rin loves you.

The smiling face of the human woman was reflected. So beautiful and charming unforgettable—so painful. If he can forget—maybe this death is not as bad as he thought.

"Yahanda!!!"

Sesshoumaru wanted to forget. Therefore, for his son, Sesshoumaru only asked for something from him, namely, "Shura, forget it..."

....xoxOx....