I'm Not Daria
Disillusioned

For the first time, I felt my heart break. It's stupid for stupid reasons. I was upset that Devan liked Daria, not me and I thought she liked me all along. I was happy when I found out he liked me. Which makes me wonder if Devan doesn't like me at all? It's confusing to know that she likes Daria, and I like her.

This whole situation is very disappointing for me. Our feelings for each other started to look beautiful to me until Devan told me what he was doing. It made me realize a lot of things.

I thought her words too deeply.she did not imply that she liked Daria before she ran away. I just concluded it myself because she saw me as Daria so she obviously liked it and it wasn't me.

"Whoa?"

I looked up to see Mario

Yes, Daria, that's what everyone says.

I'm who? I feel like Daria is gnawing at Darla. Darla's existence is getting more and more non-existent. don't know who I am. I should have acted like Daria but not like that. My way of acting is more like Darla, but everyone seems to believe that it is Daria. How could anyone trust me? Are our personalities the same?

I really don't know who I am .

Without thinking much, I jumped towards Mario and hugged him tightly, without thinking about whether the thing I was doing was right or wrong.

All I need right now is someone to hug me and say I'm here. Darla's not dead. Unfortunately, Mario can't do that, but at least his embrace will comfort me because I've become Darla in front of him.

I have been the real me nearby but with a different name. He is my Gio and Devan. Just like Anna who has now changed.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked but I ignored him. He did not push me away but slowly hugged me back.

It's amazing how soothing and stress relieving a hug Although Devan's hug feels like everyone wants it to be, Mario's hug is all that's needed right now. Mario's hug is a friend's hug. And a friend's hug has an effect unlike any other hug.

We stayed that way for a long time and after that I felt a little better. I told Mario that I had just had a bad day, I said good night to him and went to my room where I would sleep like a baby once my head touched the pillow.

...

The next day, I had a low-grade fever and a cold. My head felt heavy and did not want to get out of bed.

I didn't want to bother getting up and deciding to go back to sleep,

After I walked into the room last night, I cried. Not only because he realized that Devan did not like me at all, but also because this situation that had been going on for months had impacted me.

All the negative effects associated with it collapsed all at once, gone. I don't know what my future is. The happiness found here is so much more than I could ask for from a loving parent, a good friend, and a man I started to like.

Excluding all the restrictions that were given to me, my life would be perfect here had I been their biological daughter. All this time, I didn't even feel that they weren't my parents. Somewhere in my mind I started to see it as the truth.

But then reality came knocking at my feet from below. Right now I am living my best life, but there is still sadness and awareness that in the blink of an eye everything can change, my happiness will be lost. I have to go back to my old life. If that happens, I don't know how to deal with it. Where should I start?

I don't have an answer yet, so all I do is bury myself under the covers.

Amara knocked on my bedroom door after two hours. He came to check on me after I didn't wake up at the time I usually do. He told me that he would bring breakfast to the room and I thanked him for that. I spent the whole day sleeping.

Although not my parents, Mrs Daralyn called a doctor who gave me medicine for colds and fevers and told me to rest.

I slept too, which I had planned.

My days went uninterrupted except for Amara who quietly came to check on me every few hours and gave me food, snacks and medicine.

It was about eight in the evening when I heard a knock on the door. My fever has gone down a lot and I feel much better

"Come in" I exclaimed. My throat was dry, itchy and painful to swallow.

The door creaked open and revealed Devan who I thought had just eaten dinner after work.

"Hey," he said, enter and close the door behind him. "You sick? What's going on?"

I sat straight up on my bed. "Nothing, I think the weather changes are affecting me."

not entirely wrong. The weather has gone from cold to hot to cold again and it doesn't suit me.

He sat on my bedside. "What are you doing here?" my many.

"I didn't see you at dinner so I just wanted to know where you were. Amara said you had a fever and a cold." He placed the back of his palm on my forehead.

"I just need a little rest. I'll be fine tomorrow. You have to sleep."

He's nodding. "Do you need anything?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

He hesitated a little before bending over and kissing my forehead.

"You can't do that." I said as I played the tassels of my blanket, I suddenly dodged his gaze.

"Take this as a quick-healing remark from me".

"Did you do that to everyone who was sick?"

"No, just special people. Like my mom. and you."

"What is your relationship with Luna" I have to ask. I don't want her to be with someone who is easily influenced by other women. Right now, she is betraying Luna by behaving like this and I can't let it continue.

"Daria.he and.we do not love each other. You don't have to think about us. We're-"

"Devan, are you aware that you're having an affair right now and how wrong and unfair is this to him? I forced my throat to work because I had to pull this out"

He let out a heavy sigh as if he was tired of something. "I know and promise you that we'll break up, but at the right time so we can be together."

"I never said I wanted to be with you."

"I'm sorry for assuming that, but I'll try every way to seduce you".

"Luna is my friend and I will never date her ex".

"I know and it's a good thing to do as a good friend but you don't know everything. When the time is right, we'll break up and I'll tell you everything."

"What are you two hiding from me?"

"I can't tell you right now. I'm sorry."

I've been very frustrated with everyone lately. It seems like everyone is suddenly keeping a secret from me. First, Anna and Luna and now Devan and Luna.

"When is the right time to break up?"

"I don't know. It's up to him when he's ready."

"What does that mean? He doesn't even know that you don't love him anymore. The right thing to do now is tell the truth because Luna is a good person and she doesn't deserve what you did to her".

"I try to make you forget me but you seem to insist on your feelings and I don't want Luna to be with such a man. You're Devan's con man. Because of you, I betrayed my own friend as well. You're the one who started it all. Luna deserves better."

He was silent after my explosion.

"You're a playboy, do you think a girl's heart is a playable toy until you get bored and break it for fun?" I'm proceeding. "You hated me all your life for stupid reasons and thought that you were the best and underestimated me. And now you allow you to have an affair with Luna with me? I hate you Devan."

The last sentence is a big lie. I don't hate it. I actually like it and it makes me mad at myself because I shouldn't have done it. I'm angry at myself for having poor self-control. That's because I've never been liked by a man before, at least I know. And Devan was the first to express his feelings for me. It was the first time I had experienced someone who liked me and it made my heart flutter because he thought of me that way. That's why I was influenced and wanted more from him. I want him to like me more.

My mind has been very messed up lately and I don't know what to think or feel anymore.I wish I had a friend who could give me advice.

Even though Mario is my friend, I can't tell him the situation. And Anna was in her own world, we had been completely separated until I wondered if we were still friends again.

Devan scoffs slowly. "Wow, you know me very well. Youre right. I'm a very bad man. I deserve to be hated by everyone." He sounded angry but there was an underlying sadness that made me regret what I had said about him.

Slowly he stood up and thought he was going to leave so I lay down, I didn't want to see him go. I felt the blanket swamped at my feet because I had thrown it away while sleeping in motion and then looked at Devan's face as he slipped the blanket under my chin. He stroked my hair and forced a smile. "Today will be a little cold. Are you warm enough?"

"Yes" I whispered.

"Good night."

And then he left my room, left me wallowing in blankets while staring at the ceiling, I fell asleep. It was long gone and my head was filled with a million thoughts.