I'm Not Daria
Egotistical

"you must be very scared. The doctor mentioned some complications"

"Oh, I'm scared. But not for me. I'm afraid of what I'm gonna do then. I'm gonna kill somebody. Someone who has done nothing wrong and only because of my stupidity,"

I shook my head. "Please don't blame yourself. You do what you think is right"

"I don't think that's true. If I had known that you and Gio wouldn't mind the baby, I wouldn't have done it." I could feel his regret sliding off of him waving around.

"You should know that you'll never blame you for something like this".

He looked at me with sad eyes. He didn't say anything.

"Why do you trust Luna with this? Aren't you afraid he'll be mad at us?"

"No, I feel like I can trust him. She is very strong.I need someone like her to help me. I begged her not to tell Gio. He kept his promise. He didn't tell her. I'm grateful for that. He's really nice. He helped me get through abortion. If it wasn't for him, I would have aborted my own womb. I'm going to do something very extreme. I probably wouldn't be able to have children after that if I did something stupid. But I talked to him and he guided me. He made an appointment with a doctor who specializes in surgical abortions - the doctor who had just come to check on me, that was him. He planned a walk-through for the girls and told Bella to distract you. He was very encouraging and entertaining. She held my hand before having an abortion and told me that I would be fine, everything would be fine. He paid my bills and I promised him to pay them back. I'm so grateful to him and his support."

" I'm glad he was there for you when I wasn't there." Her words made me regret thinking bad things about Luna. He always wants the best for everyone around him. "I'm sorry."

Hearing him talk about Luna made me feel grateful to the woman. She is strong, helpful and a beautiful person. I felt guilty for hating him when he tried to keep me away from Devan, but I understood why. He is a great man and I feel eternally indebted for the kindness he continues to show Anna and Devan.

Anna's face looked sad. He was pondering and from his expression, I knew it was not a pleasant thought.

"It would be much better if I didn't force you to pretend. I feel like a robber. Who just wants to feel what it's like to be rich, without worry. I want to feel what it's like to be pampered, for once"

I feel sorry for him. His family did not spoil their children. They just want to bring up the children who will follow in their footsteps and continue the family legacy as lawyers, his household is very strict and there is no choice for him to do what he likes. So he had to rebel which only resulted in him being cut off from the family. They don't acknowledge him because he doesn't want to do what they want

"I'm very selfish.I think it's karma because it forces you to do something you don't want and in return I get unhappiness. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. They won't let us go."

We didn't say anything for a long time. I think he just needs time and space to think about everything that has happened to him. But he's been so aloof for so long, always pushing me away that I think that he must have had enough time to accept the reality.

"If only you hadn't met me and him that night." He said slowly. "You should have known, sending two drunk people with feelings for each other together would have ended badly." Her lower lips twitched as she spoke

"What?"

"Don't you see that everything that has happened is your fault?"

"Wait a minute, what? How could it be my fault?"

"You told us to leave the party together. You know we're drunk and you know we like each other. Didn't it ever occur to you that such a thing would happen between us?"

"No!!," I snapped. The only thing that occurred to me was to take the two of you to a safe place, at home so that you wouldn't embarrass yourself. Vomiting on someone's shirt who may be an important person, or confessing about us lying drunk. Maybe you should limit your drinking. Isn't that what got us here in the first place!?"

Anna scoffed, "Don't act plain. It all started because of you, I got pregnant because of you. I had to abort the baby because of you. You're the one responsible for all this mess and then you have the guts to be a hypocrite and start dating Devan and then you say you're innocent here?"

My anger's flaring. I came here to comfort her and tell her that she's not alone, but she's blaming me now instead?

"Listen, I admit I was wrong for starting to date Devan and contradicting my words. But it was my only fault! There is nothing else!!!. I'm not responsible for your pregnancy and aborting the baby. I didn't even know this was going to happen!"

"I can't believe after everything I've been through to keep what you told me, you don't even want to admit it."

I pressed two fingers into my temple and massaged it. It gives me a headache. I breathe heavily. "I think you're tired because your brain is clearly not functioning properly."

"You told me not to date Devan, so I didn't. But you told us to be together when we were clearly not thinking clearly. So yes, I ended up pregnant, it was your fault. I decided to abort the baby out of fear that you would scold me and be disappointed in me and this baby might endanger both of us. But you went on a date with Devan and didn't even tell me that I could be with Gio!".

"Maybe you can say something about what happened to you. I don't have the psychic ability to predict it." she replied.

I know arguing with him is not the best thing to do right now given the situation he is in right now that is getting worse. The one thing I hated the most, hearing that it was my fault when something went wrong, when it was definitely not because of me.

"I told you my reasons for not telling you"

"You sound ridiculous, now refuse to admit that this is my fault because it is not my fault and you just want to blame others for what you have done that you obviously regret now." My reply

I realized, I shouldn't let anger rule the words that come out of my mouth. It was a difficult time for him. He could have slipped into depression because my guilt and behavior towards him was currently unacceptable.

I had to consider what he had gone through, even if it meant that he would blame me for something I obviously didn't do. Maybe I'm just playing a small part in making it happen, but if I knew just a little bit that it would lead to this, I would do everything I could to prevent it.

"Anna, I'm sorry." I said, forcing my anger and whispering to her in a soft voice.

"Yes, Darla. I regret what I have done, but if given a second chance I will still do the same because this is the right decision for me. But it kills me from the inside. Killing my own baby means taking my life. I'm a murderer".

I shook my head at him "Don't say that. It's not like that."

"Why? Why should I be experiencing this? I see you and you live your best life and I don't. I was a murderer who had killed one good thing that happened to me. It's just the timing's not right."

"You think too much, you need to rest. Go to sleep, I'll wake you up for dinner."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I can't, I don't want dinner."

"You need to be healthy. Look atyou. You're getting so skinny. That's not good for you".

"I don't care. I don't want to eat anything. I want to be alone".

"Good luck with that, because I don't plan on leaving you alone from now on, unless you really need space because in that case, I'll understand."

"Oh my God, Darla. Don't make this difficult for me. Go to Devan. I'll be fine on my own."

"I'm not the kind of person to leave his best friend alone in a situation like this. You should know me better than that"

He sighed, looking frustrated with my presence.

"When are you planning to tell Gio?"

"I told you I didn't want to"

"I don't want to tell Devan the truth about me either, but I'm going to do it, so I think you should do the same."

"When are you going to tell him?

"After a business party in a few days."

"Aren't you afraid of how she reacted? He'll be very angry. He will feel betrayed. Will he still accept you? Will he still like you even when he will find out that half of the things he sees are lies? Will he forgive all your mistakes?"

I don't think we're talking about my situation anymore.

I wrapped my hand in her hand resting on her stomach. "In the end I'll be fine, Anna, things will go well and we'll be fine."

I don't know for sure but I can feel it. Our problems are not as big as we imagined. It was just our natural tendency to see it as a big obstacle, when in reality, if handled properly, it could turn out to be the way we wanted it to be. We just need to have a little faith in ourselves.

"What-what am I? Should I tell him?" He asked hesitantly.

I nodded with great enthusiasm. "When the time is right, do it. That's the right thing to do. He deserves to know what he has and what he's missing."

He nodded weakly, "I need time."

"of course. I'm not pressuring you. Take your time."

"Thank you, Darla".

Just then came the sound of a blow that shocked both of us and our eyes were immediately fixed on the door. Anna's eyes glazed over in fear of the possibility that someone must have heard our conversation, all she thought about was if it was Devan and she wouldn't be able to be with him for a few days until the party was over, and it was a very selfish act.

I stood up and moved to the door, pulling it open

On the ground was a shattered painting thrown from the wall and next to it, a gasping Gio gripped the end of the table so hard it looked like it was the only thing that could hold it.